When your child goes through puberty, it will be one of the most critical events in their life, mentally, spiritually, and physically. To most parents, the signs of puberty are pretty obvious — acne, mood swings, hormonal changes, physical changes, growth spurts, body odor, and the list goes on. But what most parents don’t realize is that even though you may feel relationally pushed aside and replaced by your child’s peers, your child needs you now more than ever.
Should I Discuss Puberty With My Child?
The short answer is absolutely. Your child has shifted from a moldable and impressionable vessel in your hands to a tween or teenager pressured by the world and their peers to make something of themselves at the most vulnerable time in their life. If you let this pivotal moment slip through your fingers, your child might look for validation and acceptance of who they are in all the wrong places. They will be influenced by something, whether you or the world.
When you can step in and step up, God can use you as a tool in your child’s life to lead and guide them in the right direction.
One of the most precious blessings of being a mom is knowing that God chose me specifically to be the mentor in my child’s life, through good times and bad. There’s no one else who can take your place. I take that responsibility very seriously. If I’m going to raise godly, loving, caring human beings who will further God’s kingdom, I need to be there for the many changes they are about to go through.
How can I be there for my child going through puberty?
If you’ve done the hard work of intentional parenting throughout your child’s younger years, you will know your child’s love language, which is the most essential way to communicate with them. If you attempt to be there for your child without love, you will be met with rebellion. It all starts with the communication of love.
God says in His word that without love, all our efforts will be meaningless. I’m not implying that you love them how you like to be loved. Ask yourself, how does my child feel most loved? Then start there. If they want words of affirmation, time spent together, gifts, etc., then fill them up with all the love they most resonate with. That’s the best way to be there for your child during this time.
If you have not set the groundwork with love, then the following questions will be met with one-word answers and possibly frustration or blank stares.
So, before you ask the questions below, work on loving your child in ways THEY feel most loved.
Once you have that, the following questions are a great way to start the conversation about your child’s changing body.
I’m not saying you need to go through every single detail about their changing bodies. This may embarrass them. But lt them know you’re there to answer any and every question they have to the best of your ability. During this time, you need to push aside your feelings of possible discomfort and simply be transparent. Don’t make puberty weird. Make it about being another step into maturity that God has ordained.
What parents should avoid when discussing puberty
When discussing puberty with your child, be careful not to embarrass them or put them on the spot. If they don’t feel up for talking about it, leave it and try again another time. Often, simply listening to their hearts opens the door for asking thought-provoking questions. Being robotic or asking questions just to check off a list won’t work. Wait patiently for those special moments when your child looks to you for guidance, not forcing your opinion down their throats.
But very often, kids WANT to talk to you about these things. Now it’s your job to be the one they can come to with anything.
Why diet and environment matter for your child going through puberty
If your child is going through puberty, it’s important to support their bodies with food that will benefit their hormones and make sure you’re using products in your household that don’t mess with their hormone production. Most brands of household cleaners or laundry detergents are full of hormone disruptors, not to mention perfume or cologne, deodorant, and the list goes on. Do your research on clean products and whole foods so that your child doesn’t get unnecessary side effects of unbalanced hormones.
For reference, we eat meat without hormones or antibiotics, raw milk instead of processed, unprocessed foods, except for the occasional treat, sourdough bread, and not a ton of grains. I use castille soap and borax for laundry detergent, essential oils for fragrances, and Seventh Generation for dish soap. We use this bar of soap for showering. So far, my son is 14, and he hasn’t had many issues with acne or mood swings aside from a pimple here and there. Tallow takes care of it overnight. I know that sounds crazy, but it WORKS.
7 Questions to Ask Your Child While Going Through Puberty
- Do you ever get an uncomfortable feeling in your body about a person, place, or activity?
The wording on this one depends on their age. In older children, you can be a little more specific. But this question helps them not only feel less lonely but also put in words a question they’ve been having about themselves that they perhaps didn’t know how to process.
- What are some things that make you unique?
As a parent, it’s important to speak encouragement over your child. Point out to them what qualities you see in them. Your voice most often becomes your child’s inner voice about themselves. But this question opens the door to help them see the characteristics and gifts that God has given them. This question will also help them recognize their value for future relationships or job opportunities.
- What’s something you’re grateful for or admire about your body?
Helping your child process what it is they like about their body is vital for their confidence. This isn’t a way to inflate their ego, but rather help them recognize and have gratitude for the body God has given them. In a world that tells your child their value is in how they look, you as the parent can shift this self-exhaulted misconception into gratitude about who God has created them to be. God doesn’t want us to hate our bodies or pick them apart, but to take care of them and use them for His glory and purpose. When we believe lies about our bodies, we’re ultimately insulting God’s creation. There’s nothing wrong with recognizing your qualities and being grateful for them, giving praise to God for how your body works. Our bodies are miraculous, and helping your child see that in themselves, while giving all the glory to God, will instill a godly confidence. This is also helpful for them to see that taking care of their bodies is what God asks of us, and if we don’t see our bodies as a gift but a burden, we won’t have the motivation to treat them as a temple.
- Do you have any questions about the changes your body is going through or will go through?
If we truly believe that God designed our bodies to do what we need them to do, then puberty is just another God ordained step. Let’s help our kids recognize that God’s perfect design of our bodies is perfect for every stage of our lives. Puberty happens exactly when God ordained it to happen. Help them process their changing bodies from a “God has purposed this change” perspective, so they aren’t embarrassed or confused about what they are going through. Just as a baby gets their teeth to prepare them for eating solid food, your child goes through puberty to get the hormones they need for the next stage of life. God’s timing is perfect.
- How can I pray for you and be there for you as you go through these changes?
I can’t tell you how many times this simple question of, “How can I pray for you?” has opened my child to share their heart with me — the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have instilled in them the truth that God loves us, no matter how dark our thoughts or feelings may be, no matter how many mistakes we’ve made. For them, this is the time to share their deepest and darkest, knowing that I will stand in prayer for them, and that God will see them through, even during this confusing time of puberty.
- What’s something you will never forget about being a kid?
Reminisce together. Share some memories of your child growing up and how it delighted you as a parent to see them go through the different stages of their life. Listen to their hearts in this moment.
- Is there anything about growing up that makes you feel excited or nervous?
I love this question because it opens the door for many more questions.
Positive parenting tools for every parent
Screen Time Protection and Teaching Moderation
Bark Premium (Parental Control App – use this link or code WFTBBLOG to try it for an EXTRA one-month FREE) – Read more about Bark Premium in my review here; perfect if your child already has a phone, but you need a parental control app to do the heavy lifting of content monitoring.
The Bark Phone – Perfect for parents looking to find their children an affordable phone that protects them from all angles – internet, unsafe apps, messaging, cyberbullying, emails, etc. Starting at $49/mo, all plans include a phone, Bark Premium, and wireless service, with no contract commitment. For younger kids, you, as the parent, can enable the phone for messaging and calls ONLY. And as they mature, you can allow more freedoms/apps (any app you wish). This phone grows WITH your child and eliminates the need to purchase multiple phones at various times in their maturity.
Computer use – When it comes to their computers, you can use Covenant Eyes.
TV’s, gaming consoles, and at-home protection – Bark Home (manage screen time and filter websites on all of the internet-connected devices in your house — including gaming consoles, TVs, and more. VidAngel (Skip or mute what you don’t want to see or hear on popular streaming platforms like Netflix and Hulu.)
Screen Time Checklist Printable for Kids – FREE if you sign up for our weekly newsletter. Just fill out your info below.
Book List for Kids and Parents
Check out my recommended books for parenting.
Journaling for Kids
When a child is old enough to start drawing, coloring, or writing, journaling is an incredible way to help your kids better express themselves. Check out our Kid’s Printable Journals — created specifically to help children better express their feelings, encourage gratitude, and spark the imagination.
Chores for Kids
Magnetized Chalk Chart for Fridge
Implementing chores and structure in your child’s daily life is a beneficial tool to teach them follow through, discipline, and respect. We use this chore chart in our family to help our kids keep track of their progress and keep you from constantly reminding them of their daily tasks.
If you’re looking for something simpler, this is also a good option.
Chore Chart Printable – Get it NOW from the convenience of your own printer.
If you’re looking for something you can print out immediately and start implementing chores in your home today, check out this CHORE CHART PRINTABLE. With a Mandalorian theme, it makes for a lighthearted and fun way to encourage kids to do their daily and weekly “missions.”
Emotional Connectivity with Your Kids
Connecting on a deeper level emotionally with your child is CRUCIAL and sometimes more difficult. We play THIS GAME often in our family to create a safe space for our kids to share their questions and emotions without judgment.
We even offer an “Exemption Time” for the duration of this game, where anything he tells us is off the table for consequences.
Check out these other posts on emotional connectivity on the blog!
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