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How to Stop Being Insecure in My Relationship – Know the Signs

It’s no news that many women are insecure. We have enough thrown at us daily via social media telling us just how much we fall short of the ever-changing new “normal.” Insecurity has many names and many masks. Some people might also call it lack of self-esteem, self-love, self-worth, or confidence, but all of these descriptions boil down to one thing – insecurity.

insecure in relationship

Signs That You’re an Insecure Woman

If you don’t already know that you’re insecure, you could be coping, or putting on a daily mask that translates to the many telltale signs of being an insecure woman.

If you struggle with insecurity, don’t lose heart – there is hope! Just because you’re insecure doesn’t mean you need to stay there. I didn’t. I got fed up with telling myself daily how I was falling short. There is plenty to worry about in this world and wondering if you measure up shouldn’t be one of them.

Insecure Woman Sign #1

insecurities of women


Insecurity disguises itself in many forms. One of the most common is perfectionism. Not only is perfectionism a sign of insecurity, but it is also a sign of fearing that you will fail. No one wants to fail, but there are those of you who will go through extra lengths to prove that you aren’t a failure by:

  • lying to cover your failures
  • becoming a workaholic
  • punctuality
  • becoming obsessive over just about anything
  • keeping up appearances
  • unhealthy motivation – attempt to please others and not fail.
  • doing anything and everything to prove you aren’t a failure – used to cover your insecurity

Downfalls to being a perfectionist

  • you are robbed blind of experiencing joy in your life
  • your creative side will suffer
  • other people are often seen as a threat to you failing, which affects your relationships
  • you might be taken advantage of for your drive to succeed
  • over exhaustion and stress have become apart of you

How to overcome:

Acknowledge that you’re being a perfectionist, and apologize to those around you who you’ve hurt, whether that be your children or your spouse.

Identify the underlying triggers. If you don’t get to the root cause of your perfectionism, then you’re going to start putting a bandaid in the symptoms. Getting to the cause might mean you need to seek out someone to talk with and help you navigate the reasons.

LIST out the worst case scenarios if such and such didn’t happen. What if your house isn’t clean? What if your kids don’t get straight A’s? What if…? Most often when we recognize the end result of something, it will free us because the worst case scenarios for a lot of instances aren’t really that bad.

Adjust your standards and self-reflect. Change isn’t easy. It requires you to look within and adjust your expectations of yourself and those around you. Give yourself daily goals. For example: If you’re constantly stressing about the house being clean, let it be dirty for one afternoon.

Pray and be thankful. Sometimes, perfectionism gets eradicated when we simply change our mindset from that of discontentment to gratitude. Start listing out what you’re grateful for. Start noticing the things your family does RIGHT instead of what they do wrong. Thank God for the many blessings in your life, and ask Him for the strength to see the beauty around you.

Insecure Woman Sign # 2

insecurity in marriage


What? I’m not jealous! No woman wants to hear that they are jealous, and many more woman would never admit to it. Commonly, women think jealous thoughts, but they would never admit to being a jealous person. Jealousy and insecurity fuel one another.

If you are jealous, you are insecure, and if you are insecure, you are jealous.

Because insecurity causes women to believe they aren’t good enough, they will then start to compare themselves to one another. This will cause an immediate ‘that’s not fair’ mentality, thus causing one to become envious of something they don’t have.

When you are constantly bombarded with social media telling you-you have to have this or do that to be accepted in society, it’s no wonder we can’t be happy for one another anymore.

Instead, we think that jealousy will somehow change our circumstances. We then put on a facade that mentally elevates us to be better than another human being. Jealousy has many repercussions, which are often ignored because, most of the time, no one wants to own up to it.

Downfalls of being jealous

  • relationship problems
  • unrealistic self-image
  • unhappiness with oneself and inability to experience joy
  • fear of socializing
  • unsatisfaction with your own life
  • the outer facade of narcissism or thinking you’re better than everyone, and an inner conclusion that you’re not enough

How to overcome:

  • Whenever you feel the temptation to be jealous of someone, change your negative thinking to gratitude. Ex. “I wish I had hair like hers.” Think, “Wow, she was blessed with beautiful hair. I am grateful that I have other good qualities like…”
  • Call yourself out on it. Admit that you’re being jealous and recognize that it’s wrong. Start counting your blessings and naming the things you’re grateful for.

Insecure Woman Sign # 3

insecure woman


Having an addiction doesn’t just mean a daily trip to AA or NA. Addictions come in MANY forms. Some of the more common ones that no one talks about because they have become “normal” are sexual addictions, addiction to success, addiction to a hobby, addiction to control.

In fact, ANYTHING can become an addiction, and it’s most likely you are addicted to something if you exist. If you are insecure, it’s most likely a way for you to cope is to have an addiction of some kind. Something to get your mind off of your insecurity and a temporary escape from reality.

If you’re struggling with an addiction of any kind, go seek help immediately.

Insecure Woman Sign #4

how to stop feeling insecure


Because insecurity gives a feeling that we have lost something or somehow missed out, it can cause anger and resentment.

When that anger isn’t expressed or dealt with in a healthy way, it turns inward and translates to depression, feelings of numbness, and passivity.

Insecurity will most often end in depression when all of our attempts to disguise it have failed. Our minds will end up resorting to the fact that this is the only option for our insecure thoughts and feelings; our only outcome.

If you’re struggling with depression, go seek help immediately.

Insecure Woman Sign #5

what causes insecurity in a relationship

Low Motivation

Let’s say you’re an insecure person—you aren’t happy with how you look, what your personality is, your job, etc.

You are constantly comparing yourself or what you have or don’t have to others; therefore, what you thought your life would look like is exceedingly different than what you expected. Do you think that mindset would cause you do try again? To try harder and better? Perhaps—if you’re falling in the perfectionist category.

But what if that isn’t how you respond? What if you just…give up. This was definitely me if I can be completely honest.

My low self-esteem was fueled by the fact I simply didn’t believe I could be or do anything extraordinary. I am a creative soul, and that comes out with my writing and musical abilities. It’s what I tried my hand at for many years.

While to some people’s standards I have achieved a lot in the music industry, I would tell you it’s not good enough. When I started to truly believe that, low motivation set in. I was determining the joy I got from doing what I loved by the level of my success. In my mind, I wasn’t living up to what I thought I should be, instead of enjoying what I was doing.

My thoughts about myself and my music were insecure and unhealthy thoughts, which led to low motivation and giving up. 

But I have, in some sense of the words, “let it go.” Meaning I enjoy it and love to do it, but it no longer determines whether I see myself as successful or not. If anyone is touched or moved by my music in some way or another, it’s a win for me.

what causes insecurity in a relationship

What you can do about feeling insecure in your relationship

It’s no easy task to overcome insecurity. In fact, because it might have been apart of you for so long, it might be something you’re oblivious to, not to mention, wanting to ignore altogether. 

But don’t give in anymore. Don’t let society keep telling you-you aren’t enough, but at the same time disguising it as “you’re perfect just the way you are.” Neither is correct. We are neither perfect nor not enough.

The problem could lie in the fact that you believe those lies that are being thrown at you every day. Perhaps it comes from your past and something that has happened to you such as abuse or bullying. Maybe it’s because you have never really discovered just how much God loves you. 

But don’t feel bad about it! It’s our human response to want to feel important, and when we don’t, we fall apart.

It’s interesting. The very purpose of bigger, better, greedy business is to sell more, even if it’s at the expense of making people feel like they aren’t good enough. How else will they get you to buy their products? It’s advertisement at its best. Make people feel just bad enough to want to “fix” their problems with their product.

But what if we started looking deeper? What if we started to change our thinking and how we see ourselves? 

The more we can change our thought process from negative to positive, the better we can address what happens to those thoughts that get out of control and steal our joy.

Begin today by taking every thought captive.