That unhealthy place we go
There is this place in my heart I go when life seems to head in a direction that, to me, seems unbearable. It’s a place I keep hidden from everyone I love, because if I let them in, it just might expose who I really am.
This place in my heart, or soul — not sure where to pinpoint it’s exact location — is a place I also futilely attempt to keep hidden from God.
I think to myself — maybe if He doesn’t see that I’m mad at Him about this hardship, He won’t be disappointed with me.
And as I sit, and wait in this place, full of anxiety and sadness, at some point I can feel God reach inside and offer me His hand.
This is the moment I either accept His hand and receive His peace and comfort at the risk of trusting Him, or I stay in my hidden space, miserable, and unable to see what He might be doing through my struggles.
This place in my heart has been occupied by me more often than I would like. Especially lately. This holiday season, I may have hung a few Christmas lights on the walls in attempts to make it feel a bit homier.
I could imagine it looking a bit like Joyce Byers home in the upside down from the first season of Stranger Things. Talk about bleak.
Many of us have this place in our hearts. It’s our self protection mode. Our flesh. Our need for control. At its core it’s sin.
But here’s what God does for this space — this dark hole in our hearts. He reaches in and says, “I love you even though. I got you. I have your back. I will never leave you or forsake you. I am who I am. I accept you. All you need to do is take My hand.”
Then I think to myself, but really? Is that all, God? What about the suffering, the unknown, the burdens? What about all that stuff I have to go through?
Where does hope come in?
Then He gently reminds me of His promises.
He never promised life would be easy. In fact, He promised it would be full of trials and tribulation.
But He did promise He would NEVER leave us through it all. That with obedience to Him, we can experience a joy and peace that is beyond understanding even in the trial.
As I’ve journeyed this life, I realize that this joy and peace I so long for doesn’t come easy. But the only reason it doesn’t, is because I so often get in my own way.
I try and take control of situations I have no control over, which leaves me empty and more burdened than before.
But you know what? In our humanity we will make mistakes. We will have unbelief. We will question everything God is doing and be angry at Him. And that’s okay. But we can’t remain there for long.
We can’t lock ourselves in that room or we will begin to think that we have control over our circumstances, and our desire to fix it will become stronger and stronger.
So don’t stay there.
But in our humanity we can see the true beauty of who Christ is. While we were yet sinners, He died for us. He gave everything for us. He knows our weaknesses, our failures, our shortcomings. And even still, He loves us. He gave His Son for us.
How profound is that love?
The harder the trials I go through, the more His grace abounds in my life.
The goodness of God is so far beyond what you and I could ever imagine. His ways are not our ways.
So when we can just simply take His hand and trust that He is in control, it is the moment we can accept that He is who He says He is. A good, good God.
It won’t be easy. But just tell Him you’re not okay and that you need Him. Ask Him to help you in your unbelief. You may not feel it or understand His reasons. But by trusting that He is good, you will experience His peace in your life.
God is good, even when we don’t feel like what He’s doing is good.
This is why more often than not, trusting God over our feelings, is where it’s at.