So many women are on the search for good men. I promise, they are still out there. But in order to find him, you need to understand a little bit about what men want, how to speak their love language, and how you can stop attracting losers who are disrespectful and uncommitted, and start attracting guys who will cherish and love you for you.
What men most want in a wife
How to attract good guys
It’s easy to go only skin deep here. If you’re looking for a quick tip on how to change in order to get a guy to like you, then you’re in the wrong place. It’s important to grow personally before you delve into a relationship, but you should never change who you are in order to please or attract some guy who isn’t worth your time.
My desire is to write content that is helpful, not something that will land you in a crappy relationship, disrespected, or tossed by the way side. You are worth SO much, because you are unique and created by God. He desires for you to be taken care of, not taken advantage of.
With that being said, let’s get into men — how they think, what they want, and how you can end up with someone who is a GOOD MAN, or get a little insight on how to better know your partner you are currently with.
I must admit, I am a bit biased here. I got myself a good guy. Read more about our story here.
As a couple, we believe there is more to relationships and successful marriages than finding your soul mate. Because of how different men and women are from one another, it’s important for the both of you to understand one another on a deeper level.
Whether you are in a committed relationship, married, or haven’t found your partner yet, it’s alway important to know more about one another. The whole l reason I wrote this post was to inform women of how men think.
A lot of relationships aren’t lasting these days, and I believe the number one reason is because we’ve stopped trying to get to know one another.
If we really can delve into the needs of our spouse, then we have an upper hand at having a healthy relationship that will last forever. That being said, here are some things I’ve learned about men from my ten years of marriage.
Aside from having healthy goals set in place, here are some VERY important needs of GOOD MEN. Men you can find yourself cozied up by a fire with on your anniversary with feelings of safety and security. You deserve that.
The top 2 things guys want in a woman
Because this post is about what men not and not what women want, I will first touch on the overall aspects of a woman who is willing to see the inner most needs of her man. This is important for a few reasons. First, don’t you want a mutual effort from a guy to find out what your needs are as well?
Just like you want him to know what you need, it’s important to also know his.
Second, when there is a give and take in your relationship of love and respect, then your relationship will be grounded with something deeper and more profound. So, basically men are pretty simple, right? Wrong. Because stemming from these two categories, come a million other sub-categories that I’ll get into later. But initially, these are the basics. A guys wants…
1. A woman who is affectionate and desires him.
2. A woman who admires and respects him.
So, there you have it. Seems pretty attainable and simple, right? Wrong.
My husband is a wonderful man. He is full of surprises that keep me on my feet, but he is anything but simple – and what he wants is sometimes very hard for me to pinpoint.
In fact, there are times I might have more luck looking for the long-lost Merchant Royal ship than figuring out his needs.
Stated above is a simple breakdown of what men in general might want. But what we need to realize as their spouse’s, is that they really do go much deeper than that, whether they want to admit it or not.
I know that I married someone who is very different, special, and eclectic in comparison to other men.
He is European, masculine, adventurous, stylish, attractive, brilliantly smart, loves Jesus, has an opinion about what color of pillows we have, AND goes shopping with me.
I mean, he’s the full package and I consider myself a very blessed woman. But it’s also taken me a very long time to figure all of the ins and outs of his needs, as well as the things I can offer to him that he loves. I desire to be the woman he wants, and I know that deep down I am because he doesn’t have unrealistic expectations of me.
But I also want to make sure that without changing who I am, I am being attentive to what it is that he wants. If I stop trying to do that, it means I’ve stopped trying to get to know him more. It’s from there that relationship problems begin to take root — when we’ve stopped trying.
I screw up on a daily basis of being the wife I know he deserves, but thankfully that is what a relationship can be about if you give it grace — trial and error.
What men want in bed – a woman who is affectionate
Affection & LOVE MAKING
Did you know that in your marriage, a man feels most loved when their physical needs are met, as well as when they are respected?
Both are the surest way to a man’s heart — it’s how God made them. Just like you feel loved when your husband is understanding, kind, and gentle—he feels loved when you are making love.
So what do men desire under the affection category?
- An attractive spouse – not by anyone else’s standards, but by their own. If he picked you, you’re most likely already giving him what he wants in that!
- For us to desire them – guys don’t always want to initiate. They love it when we show interest.
- Confidence in who we are.
- For us to take care of ourselves, not only physically but also mentally.
- A real connection with YOU.
- Surprise and passion.
- Admiration and Respect
What good guys want in a wife
Men are complicated. I don’t care what anyone else says. They might say they aren’t, but their subcategories can go so deep down that you can get easily lost in that man cave.
Here are some ways that we as women can show our loved one respect. By the way, if you want to know what healthy respect looks like, read this.
All of the links go more in-depth on each topic.
- Admire who he is.
- Support what he does.
- Give helpful opinions – not ones that are laced with selfishness or ulterior motives.
- Good communication – no nagging or accusing.
- A best friend to do things with that he enjoys as well.
- Someone he can talk to about anything – even the tough stuff without being judged.
- A life-giver, not a soul sucker.
- A woman who looks after her own spiritual and personal growth.
- A patient and loving mother.
- Waiting to address something you’re upset about when you’re alone and not at a dinner party.
- A woman who doesn’t correct his parenting skills in front of your kids.
- Goes on adventures with him.
- Say yes more than no.
- A free thinker – someone who thinks for herself and isn’t needy.
- In hard times, a shoulder to lean on and the ability to sometimes be stronger than he is.
- Let things go and picking your battles.
- Transparent and honest.
- Knowing when to bring up the hard things.
- Accepting of who he is, how he is.
- Listen attentively to those seldom moments he opens up and shares his heart or insecurities.
- A gentle and quiet spirit (I will expand on this — in reference to Proverbs 31 — a quiet and gentle spirit here means a warrior for her husband. A woman who is governed by kindness, not someone who is meek or weak.)
- Passionate in pursuing your own dreams.
- Someone who doesn’t give up – loyal.
- Isn’t controlling him or attempting to change him.
- Has her own friends and hobbies.
- Stylish and takes care of herself.
There you have it. What I believe men want most in a woman/wife/partner under two main categories.
Men feel loved when they are respected and desired physically. If you try and show them the same kind of love you desire, you might be missing the mark because they just don’t tick the way we do.
As always, it’s a two-way street. But there may be times when you have to step up and do some of those things possibly without “feeling” like it.
There have so many times in my relationships when one of us has to keep things going, even when the other isn’t as willing. This is SO normal in any relationship. When you both are at a place of giving up or not trying anymore is probably the worst place to be, but you can always break the cycle if you are willing!