The emotional bond between a parent and child can be strengthened when you communicate healthily with them, asking them questions they can easily relate with. Have you ever had your tweenager jump in the car after school and asked them how their day was, only to be met with a quick, “Good.” Here are some questions to ask your child to help them feel valued, important, and willing to open up to you.
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Questions to ask your child daily before school and after school
10-20% of young people suffer from a mental health illness worldwide. A recent study reported that mental health issues in adults have increased by 40% within the last few years due to recent events.
With mental health issues on the rise, parents must be diligent in communicating with their children, allowing them a safe space to share their hearts when things get challenging.
We can’t just sit back, hope, and pray that our kids are mentally healthy. There is something we can do to help them accept themselves, better process negative emotions, and learn to navigate through difficulties, and it starts with you, the parent.
I write a lot here on Word from the Bird about bridging the emotional gap between parents and children to have healthy communication and relationships.
Today, I specifically want to address how we communicate to our kids that will positively affect them and nurture their emotional and mental health. I genuinely believe that when the family unit is healthy, our kids will have a better chance of being mentally and physically healthy.
Why you should be asking your child these questions daily
Sometimes our attention as parents misses the emotional mark of our children’s needs, to simply provide for them physically. But children need so much more than a hot meal and a quick convo at dinner. They need intentionality and for you to identify with them — empathize with them — and help them see hope in this life.
Along with modeling what a healthy person looks like, we are given the responsibility to help our children navigate their negative emotions as parents.
And even though we may feel helpless and think that the only way our kids will learn how to do that is with a therapist, we are not helpless, and we can directly influence our children and equip them to thrive emotionally in our culture.
Not to say that your child shouldn’t have a therapist or counselor.
There are situations in which your child may need outside help.
In fact, it takes humility on a parent’s part to allow their children a mentor, or other healthy adults, such as a counselor.
Parenting also includes accepting that you won’t always have the answers — and that’s okay. What’s important is that you do your best to research, understand, and apply everything you can to better identify with your children and give them the tools to work through their emotions.
Also, check out – Emotionally Healthy Children Have Parents Who Do These 7 Things
5 questions to ask your child daily that help them feel like they can confide in you
1. Ask a question that makes them think about how they’re feeling.
Many parents get lost in their busy days, and asking their child something as simple as, “Hey, how are you?” sometimes doesn’t happen. But even that question doesn’t necessarily hit the mark, either.
By asking, “How are you feeling emotionally today?” you may open up a whole new opportunity to understand your child’s world, especially if you notice them feeling a bit down.
By addressing the “feelings” and “emotions” with that question, you are communicating to them that they have feelings and emotions, and it’s perfectly okay to feel them, voice them, and share them with you. You’re telling them that you care to know about their emotions, and in return, they feel safe sharing them.
Don’t say…
Don’t assume something is wrong by saying, “What’s wrong?” But instead, allow them to share their heart. Tell them you are always there for them and create a non-judgmental space where they can share ANYTHING with you without punishing them for it.
If they open up with you, make sure you don’t listen to respond and fix but rather listen to understand.
Sometimes I make the mistake of trying to fix a bad situation for my son right after he tells me what happened, thinking he told me because he wanted my advice. Give your advice so they are pointed to hope, but make sure it’s the right timing and reasoning.
You could say, “Oh man, I’m so sorry you’re going through that. I am here for you. I love you. Would you like to know what I would do in this situation?”
And if they don’t want that, then leave it. But, them knowing that you are there for them is sometimes enough to be able to navigate through that difficult circumstance.
Check out my life journals for kids – an interactive and creative way for your child to learn how to better navigate their emotions.
2. Ask them a question they often ask you.
So many times, my older son has asked me the question, “What do you want to do with me today? I’ve observed that if I ask it first, his face lights up, and he is SO excited that I thought of it first. Asking your kids questions they ask you often shows that you identify WITH them and want to take the initiative.
Time spent together as a family is one of the most important things you can do as a parent. But make sure it’s intentional. That means you don’t check your phone or only do something YOU want to do.
Even if it’s 15 minutes of intentional time doing something they love, it will mean the world to them. If you can’t do 15 minutes of intentional time with your child daily, I suggest you move things around and find the time.
I don’t say that in a judgemental way, but mentally caring for your child will always require time spent with them. It’s just that simple.
Check out my post about what I did to help my debilitating PMS symptoms.
3. Ask them an open-ended question.
Asking your child these questions that will not end in a yes or no, will help them think about the answer instead of quickly responding with a “NO.”
It can be something like, “What made you laugh, smile, or sad today?”
When I ask my son this after school, he sometimes has an answer, but not always. The point is that you care: You care to know about his day. You care to know if they were treated unkindly. You care to know that they felt safe.
Your children need to know you care, even about the most minute, mundane, and sometimes ridiculous events of their adolescent life.
My son has told me ten times that this girl at school has a crush on him. And whenever he tells me, I am interested and ask more questions.
Having an emotionally healthy relationship with your children requires patience and the understanding that you sometimes hold their little hearts in your hands. Be ever so careful with it.
4. Ask them a question that points them to gratitude.
Along with asking questions that are good conversation starters, you must help them see the good things that happen in their life.
In western civilization, kids are unfortunately unaware of what they have and VERY aware of what they don’t have.
So how do we raise kids who are content and grateful? Well, along with being grateful and content yourself to model for them what that looks like, you can ask them what they are thankful for daily.
“What is something you’re grateful for today?” or right before bed you could say, “Name 3 good things that happened today that you’re grateful for.”
For some reason, in our family, the best communicative moments are at bedtime.
Our family believes in God, so this might look different for you than it does for us. But we ask our son to think about three things he’s grateful for, either from that day or in general, and then we pray together, and he tells God thanks for all those things.
We don’t force him to pray but rather encourage it. If he doesn’t feel like praying, we leave it. We don’t want him to pray because we want him to pray, but rather because he wants to — this nurtures his spiritual life and helps him understand what a healthy relationship with God looks like.
We point him to the truth but then let him make a choice.
5. Ask them a question that helps them open up about the hard stuff.
We don’t usually ask this every day, but instead, when he looks like he’s a bit down or sad about something. We ask, “What happened today that might be hard to say?“
We have created for our child a safe zone. In our conversations, we want our kids to know that we don’t judge them, are always on their side, and want the best for them.
Naturally, things will happen in your child’s life that are surprising, unfortunate, or things you wish you could have changed. But it is important to create a space where they feel free to share those things.
Wouldn’t you rather your child feel safe to share the bad stuff instead of hiding it from you? To do that, you have to give them grace. If they share with you something sensitive that was hard for them to say, then reward that, don’t punish it.
By saying, “that might be hard to say,” you acknowledge that they might have a hard time saying it, and that’s okay.
They need to know you are safe to share their deepest and darkest, without judgment, without condemnation.
Positive Parenting Tools for Every Parent
Screen Time Protection and Teaching Moderation
Bark Parental Control Kid’s Phone and App
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Screen Time Checklist Printable for Kids – FREE if you sign up for our weekly newsletter. Just fill out your info below.
Book List for Kids and Parents
Check out my recommended books for parenting.
Booklist to teach kids about racial diversity.
Journaling for Kids
When a child is old enough to start drawing, coloring, or writing, journaling is an incredible way to help your kids better express themselves in a free and comfortable way. Check out our Kid’s Printable Journals — created specifically to help children better express their feelings, encourage gratitude, and spark the imagination.
Magnetized Chalk Chart for Fridge
Implementing chores and structure in your child’s daily life is a VERY helpful tool to teach them follow through, discipline, and respect. We use this chore chart in our family to help our kids keep track of their own progress and keep you from having to constantly remind them of their daily tasks.
If you’re looking for something a bit more simple, this is also a good option.
Chore Chart Printable – Get it NOW from the convenience of your own printer
If you’re looking for something you can print out immediately and start implementing chores in your home today, check out this CHORE CHART PRINTABLE. With a Mandalorian theme, it makes for a lighthearted and fun way to encourage kids to do their daily and weekly “missions.”
Emotional Connectivity with Your Kids
Connecting on a deeper level emotionally with your child is CRUCIAL and sometimes more difficult. We play THIS GAME often in our family to create a safe space for our kids to feel free to share their questions and emotions, all without judgment.
We even offer an “Exemption Time” for the duration of this game, where anything he tells us is off the table for consequences.
Check out these other posts on emotional connectivity on the blog!
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In summary
As parents, we want to be our kids’ safe place to share their hearts, difficulties, and emotions. To nurture their hearts means to identify with them and give them the freedom to fail.
Just as we aren’t perfect individuals, they aren’t either: They don’t need a hero to swoop in and save them from every difficult circumstance. They don’t need a judge and jury to sentence them because of the mistakes they’ve made. Instead, they need a safe zone to be who they are and a shepherd to guide them through the painful emotions or circumstances that might come their way.
