Should I Discuss Puberty With My Child?

The short answer is absolutely. Your child has shifted from a moldable and impressionable vessel in your hands to a tween or teenager pressured by the world and their peers to make something of themselves at the most vulnerable time in their life. If you let this pivotal moment slip through your fingers, your child might look for validation and acceptance of who they are in all the wrong places. They will be influenced by something, whether you or the world. 

When you can step in and step up, God can use you as a tool in your child’s life to lead and guide them in the right direction. 

One of the most precious blessings of being a mom is knowing that God chose me specifically to be the mentor in my child’s life, through good times and bad. There’s no one else who can take your place. I take that responsibility very seriously. If I’m going to raise godly, loving, caring human beings who will further God’s kingdom, I need to be there for the many changes they are about to go through.

How can I be there for my child going through puberty?

If you’ve done the hard work of intentional parenting throughout your child’s younger years, you will know your child’s love language, which is the most essential way to communicate with them. If you attempt to be there for your child without love, you will be met with rebellion. It all starts with the communication of love. 

God says in His word that without love, all our efforts will be meaningless. I’m not implying that you love them how you like to be loved. Ask yourself, how does my child feel most loved? Then start there. If they want words of affirmation, time spent together, gifts, etc., then fill them up with all the love they most resonate with. That’s the best way to be there for your child during this time. 

If you have not set the groundwork with love, then the following questions will be met with one-word answers and possibly frustration or blank stares. 

So, before you ask the questions below, work on loving your child in ways THEY feel most loved. 

Once you have that, the following questions are a great way to start the conversation about your child’s changing body. 

I’m not saying you need to go through every single detail about their changing bodies. This may embarrass them. But lt them know you’re there to answer any and every question they have to the best of your ability. During this time, you need to push aside your feelings of possible discomfort and simply be transparent. Don’t make puberty weird. Make it about being another step into maturity that God has ordained. 

What parents should avoid when discussing puberty

When discussing puberty with your child, be careful not to embarrass them or put them on the spot. If they don’t feel up for talking about it, leave it and try again another time. Often, simply listening to their hearts opens the door for asking thought-provoking questions. Being robotic or asking questions just to check off a list won’t work. Wait patiently for those special moments when your child looks to you for guidance, not forcing your opinion down their throats. 

But very often, kids WANT to talk to you about these things. Now it’s your job to be the one they can come to with anything. 

Why diet and environment matter for your child going through puberty

If your child is going through puberty, it’s important to support their bodies with food that will benefit their hormones and make sure you’re using products in your household that don’t mess with their hormone production. Most brands of household cleaners or laundry detergents are full of hormone disruptors, not to mention perfume or cologne, deodorant, and the list goes on. Do your research on clean products and whole foods so that your child doesn’t get unnecessary side effects of unbalanced hormones.

For reference, we eat meat without hormones or antibiotics, raw milk instead of processed, unprocessed foods, except for the occasional treat, sourdough bread, and not a ton of grains. I use castille soap and borax for laundry detergent, essential oils for fragrances, and Seventh Generation for dish soap. We use this bar of soap for showering. So far, my son is 14, and he hasn’t had many issues with acne or mood swings aside from a pimple here and there. Tallow takes care of it overnight. I know that sounds crazy, but it WORKS.

7 Questions to Ask Your Child While Going Through Puberty

• Do you ever get an uncomfortable feeling in your body about a person, place, or activity?

The wording on this one depends on their age. In older children, you can be a little more specific. But this question helps them not only feel less lonely but also put in words a question they’ve been having about themselves that they perhaps didn’t know how to process. 

• What are some things that make you unique?

As a parent, it’s important to speak encouragement over your child. Point out to them what qualities you see in them. Your voice most often becomes your child’s inner voice about themselves. But this question opens the door to help them see the characteristics and gifts that God has given them. This question will also help them recognize their value for future relationships or job opportunities. 

• What’s something you’re grateful for or admire about your body?

Helping your child process what it is they like about their body is vital for their confidence. This isn’t a way to inflate their ego, but rather help them recognize and have gratitude for the body God has given them. In a world that tells your child their value is in how they look, you as the parent can shift this self-exhaulted misconception into gratitude about who God has created them to be. God doesn’t want us to hate our bodies or pick them apart, but to take care of them and use them for His glory and purpose. When we believe lies about our bodies, we’re ultimately insulting God’s creation. There’s nothing wrong with recognizing your qualities and being grateful for them, giving praise to God for how your body works. Our bodies are miraculous, and helping your child see that in themselves, while giving all the glory to God, will instill a godly confidence. This is also helpful for them to see that taking care of their bodies is what God asks of us, and if we don’t see our bodies as a gift but a burden, we won’t have the motivation to treat them as a temple. 

• Do you have any questions about the changes your body is going through or will go through?

If we truly believe that God designed our bodies to do what we need them to do, then puberty is just another God ordained step. Let’s help our kids recognize that God’s perfect design of our bodies is perfect for every stage of our lives. Puberty happens exactly when God ordained it to happen. Help them process their changing bodies from a “God has purposed this change” perspective, so they aren’t embarrassed or confused about what they are going through. Just as a baby gets their teeth to prepare them for eating solid food, your child goes through puberty to get the hormones they need for the next stage of life. God’s timing is perfect.

• How can I pray for you and be there for you as you go through these changes?

I can’t tell you how many times this simple question of, “How can I pray for you?” has opened my child to share their heart with me — the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have instilled in them the truth that God loves us, no matter how dark our thoughts or feelings may be, no matter how many mistakes we’ve made. For them, this is the time to share their deepest and darkest, knowing that I will stand in prayer for them, and that God will see them through, even during this confusing time of puberty.

•  What’s something you will never forget about being a kid?

Reminisce together. Share some memories of your child growing up and how it delighted you as a parent to see them go through the different stages of their life. Listen to their hearts in this moment. 

• Is there anything about growing up that makes you feel excited or nervous?

I love this question because it opens the door for many more questions.

Positive parenting tools for every parent 

Screen Time Protection and Teaching Moderation

Bark Premium (Parental Control App – use this link or code WFTBBLOG to try it for an EXTRA one-month FREE) – Read more about Bark Premium in my review here; perfect if your child already has a phone, but you need a parental control app to do the heavy lifting of content monitoring.

The Bark Phone – Perfect for parents looking to find their children an affordable phone that protects them from all angles – internet, unsafe apps, messaging, cyberbullying, emails, etc. Starting at $49/mo, all plans include a phone, Bark Premium, and wireless service, with no contract commitment. For younger kids, you, as the parent, can enable the phone for messaging and calls ONLY. And as they mature, you can allow more freedoms/apps (any app you wish). This phone grows WITH your child and eliminates the need to purchase multiple phones at various times in their maturity.

Computer use – When it comes to their computers, you can use Covenant Eyes.

TV’s, gaming consoles, and at-home protection – Bark Home (manage screen time and filter websites on all of the internet-connected devices in your house — including gaming consoles, TVs, and more. VidAngel (Skip or mute what you don’t want to see or hear on popular streaming platforms like Netflix and Hulu.)

Screen Time Checklist Printable for Kids – FREE if you sign up for our weekly newsletter. Just fill out your info below. 

Book List for Kids and Parents

Check out my recommended books for parenting. 

Journaling for Kids

When a child is old enough to start drawing, coloring, or writing, journaling is an incredible way to help your kids better express themselves. Check out our Kid’s Printable Journals — created specifically to help children better express their feelings, encourage gratitude, and spark the imagination. 

Chores for Kids

Magnetized Chalk Chart for Fridge

Implementing chores and structure in your child’s daily life is a beneficial tool to teach them follow through, discipline, and respect. We use this chore chart in our family to help our kids keep track of their progress and keep you from constantly reminding them of their daily tasks. 

If you’re looking for something simpler, this is also a good option. 

Chore Chart Printable – Get it NOW from the convenience of your own printer.

If you’re looking for something you can print out immediately and start implementing chores in your home today, check out this CHORE CHART PRINTABLE. With a Mandalorian theme, it makes for a lighthearted and fun way to encourage kids to do their daily and weekly “missions.”

Emotional Connectivity with Your Kids

Connecting on a deeper level emotionally with your child is CRUCIAL and sometimes more difficult. We play THIS GAME often in our family to create a safe space for our kids to share their questions and emotions without judgment. 

We even offer an “Exemption Time” for the duration of this game, where anything he tells us is off the table for consequences. 

Check out these other posts on emotional connectivity on the blog!

Don’t forget to follow us on social media!

The post 7 Questions to Ask Your Child While They’re Going Through Puberty appeared first on Word From The Bird.

There will be “cool kids” who they will most certainly aim to impress.

They will struggle with feeling inadequate or like they don’t fit in.

There will even be a desire to please us, their parents, and we will let them down and make them feel like their not good enough.

They will most likely struggle to find their place in this world, believe lies about themselves, and battle insecurity.

They will probably get their heart broken while also breaking someone else’s.

They will make friends and lose them. They will experience significant loss in their lives and have to learn the many forms of grief, including grieving the version of themselves that they haven’t yet lived up to in their minds.

They will most likely struggle with depression and anxiety at times.

They will get into arguments with their spouses and pass on to their children some unhealthy habits they’ve learned from us.

They will learn that love is not only a feeling but a choice they need to make daily.

They will one day see the world as it is and no longer view it through their innocent, wonderfully childlike colored glasses.

They will grow frustrated as they realize that trying to make the world a better place is sometimes impossible.

They will form their own opinions, learning to love and accept others even when they disagree.

They must contend with their selfishness and learn that a humble and grateful heart is the secret to contentment, but accomplishing that daily is near impossible.

My boys will most likely experience all the things I have, in an even darker world.

And while I can’t protect them from everything, I can walk with them through the muck, and do my best to ensure that their time at home was a positive experience for them. This is the goal.

Step 1 – Reflection of the past

When you look back on your childhood, did your parents walk you through it well? Did they teach you the skills for mental strength and how to stand firm in your faith despite what the world says? Did they teach you to please God and not people? Did they give you tools for knowing how to speak the truth in love? Did they allow you to share your heart with them — the good, the bad, and the ugly?

Perhaps they did an incredible job, and you can count yourself blessed. Perhaps they did for the most part, yet missed the mark on some things. Perhaps you had to learn all these things for yourself because your childhood was broken. Maybe you’re still in the dark, and every day is a struggle for survival, and you’re left confused about how to navigate life and parenting.

Wherever you are in your journey, as parents, we can remember that we are responsible for our children and our family’s health, no matter our past. We can rise above. We can do better. We can claim the victory we have in Christ to raise children who flourish in this darkness.

If you want a more in-depth study on the topic of this article, check out my e-book Raising Disciples.

Expect the enemy to dismantle you.

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” Ephesians 6:12

Whether you realize it or not, the spiritual aspect of raising a family is very real. Our adversary wants nothing more than to sabotage every effort we make to raise warriors for Christ. And if you’re not on the same page spiritually, I would submit to you that you’re in need of a Savior. If you are on the same page, you can skip to the next step.

Before I met Jesus, I was plagued by feelings of emptiness. I didn’t feel lovable, I was confused about my purpose, and I wasn’t really sure where I would end up when I died. I thought I had to be perfect to be loved. Life was bleak. I was weary.

But then, I was presented with the truth that I didn’t have to be perfect in order to be loved. That God loved me, even though I fell short. And He offered for me the greatest gift of life, and I accepted. Jesus willingly went to the cross to die for every sin I would ever commit. And all I had to do was believe that He loved me so much that He sent His Son to die for my sins.

You see, the spiritual realm operates much like our justice system, except it’s perfect, not flawed. There has to be a payment for all the sins. And now that Jesus paid the price, I am free, and death will not keep me. I have the assurance of heaven. God knew we could never live up and be perfect. So He did it for us.

What a beautiful gift.

Life isn’t always easy. Being a believer doesn’t keep us from pain or struggle. In fact, this verse clarifies that. “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Until we are with Jesus, we still live in a broken world with broken people. But He promises us that He will never leave us through it all. Are you ready to make a choice for Jesus? It’s as simple as a prayer and watching your life (mostly your perspective) change right before your eyes.

“God, I am broken, but you can make me whole. I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins so I can be set free from the pain of my past and future. I believe that Jesus is the Son of God. I accept this free gift of love and will now walk in the truth of knowing I am a son/daughter of the King.”

Now you can find many of the questions you have about God in the Bible. There are also some great books you can read to help you understand, like this one from Paul David Tripp – Do You Believe? It’s amazing what can change for you after you decide to walk with Jesus: parenting, marriage, relationships. God will give you wisdom because once you accept Him and believe in Him, you now have the Holy Spirit inside of you, helping you.

Step 2 – Break free from the norm.

There is one thing you must realize to accomplish growth and change in your parenting, which will not look anything like the norm. And if you’ve found yourself caught up in the system of the rat race, never seeing your kids because they’re gone all day at school and sports, driving from here to there all day, putting your kids on screens all day, and feeling exhausted all the time, you can break free of what’s entangling your family and experience the freedom that comes with healthy priorities.

It starts with you. How often are you doomscrolling? Do you look up from your phone when your kids enter the room? Do you spend more time within the contents of your phone vs the hearts of your children? Are you self-soothing with social media instead of spending time with your family? As parents, we set the example, and we can never expect change in our children when we are unhealthily attached to screens ourselves.

It might not be easy to start, but once you get into the swing of things, your life will be easier and more peaceful, and your children will reap the benefits of how God intended the family unit to thrive.

The truth is, we’re still learning. We are far from perfect. But I do know that when I get it right, there’s peace, joy, and I actually enjoy being around my family. And even if your partner isn’t at an ideal place in their life to join you on this mission, you can lead the way. It starts with you.

Write down your parenting goals

A great way to start is to write down what you desire your family to look like. Be detailed about it. Describe how it feels to be home for you and your kids. Is it peaceful? What are your children busy doing? What does it smell like? Does it involve homeschooling? Do you want your kids to be off screens? Do you want to start going to church? Do you want to start doing dinner as a family? Incorporate a family game night? Do you want to start praying together or doing a family devotional? Plan a vacation? Do you want to spend a certain amount of hours outside? Ask yourself what an ideal picture of your family is, and then work towards accomplishing that.

Incorporate one or two things off your list every week and go from there.

Step 3 – Reconsider the use of devices

Depending on what you’re working with as a family, adjusting will take some time, especially for your kids. Be patient. If they’re used to spending 5 hours on their devices every day, you may need to wean them off slowly. Check out this article about digital detoxing for more details.

Take an hour off their time every week and replace it with something fun. The following week, do two hours, and so on, until you reach your preferred screen time amount. It may take time if your children aren’t used to using their hands and minds and being creative.

Unfortunately, screens are one of the leading causes of mental health issues among kids, so keep that in mind as you’re discerning what’s best for your family. For our family, we watch occasional movies, and that’s it, unless we get sick, then all sanity is thrown out the window, lol. But I realized that if I let a little too much in, my kids have to detox all over again.

My older son has a Bark Phone, which I recommend for kids instead of a regular smartphone. I’ve written a review article on it if you’d like more info. You can adjust his freedom according to your own needs and their age. He can stay in touch with friends without internet or social media access. As he gets older, we can adjust the phone to fit those needs.

Allow your kids to be part of the conversation.

When adjusting things in your home, your kids must be on the same page. At the end of the day, you’re the parent, and sometimes kids won’t like the change. That’s why it’s essential to explain to them the WHY. “I want our family to thrive and try this no-screens thing to see if it helps us.” Tell them it’s a trial run for something different.

At age 12, my son decided to give up video games on his own, even though he was already limited to a few hours on the weekends. He realized how it affected him, and he was surrounded by other kids who didn’t play video games. We also live on 20 acres, so it was a relatively easy adjustment for him. I realize not everyone has that option, but there are alternatives.

Even if you live in the middle of the city, they can get creative.

Once my son made this decision, his creativity exploded. Within a few months, he wrote his own book and has started another. He plays his piano a few hours a day in addition to homeschooling and working outside on our homestead, reading books, and doing crafts like map making and watercolor. He has voiced that he misses playing Minecraft, and right now, we’re considering that again. It’s an ongoing conversation, and we keep his suggestions in mind.

I don’t want to exasperate my children. I want to leave room to consider their needs and not keep him in a bubble, but I will protect my kids from the damaging effects of social media and unlimited screen time. They will thank me later, even if they don’t always like it.

I’ve witnessed firsthand how my children have changed when we removed screens. There are fewer behavioral issues, creativity comes back, and boredom is lessened. They can entertain themselves and gain knowledge of other things they wouldn’t usually know. They spend more time outside. The list goes on.

Keep this in mind. For many families, removing screens even a little or alltogether has drastically changed their family dynamic. I truly believe that the enemy has used technology to damage families. Be very discerning when it comes to screens. If you don’t believe me, just give it a few weeks as a trial.

• 8 Ways Parents Contribute to Their Child’s Mental Health Struggles
• Unique and Different Tattoo Designs and Ideas for Couples
• 12 Cheap and Quick Dinner Recipes for Busy Nights
• Quick and Easy Flatbread Recipes (Best YouTube Videos Included)
• 20 Tips for Living Luxuriously on a Single or Low Income

Step 4 – Make family time a priority

This may seem like a no-brainer. Make a list of everything you’d like to do for family time. Involve your kids. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. Simply eating dinner, playing games, reading, and watching a movie together are simple ways to nourish family time.

This is fun game we play that helps us connect on a deeper level.

Prioritize time with your spouse

If you’re married, prioritizing time with one another is essential in a relationship. We live an hour from the nearest restaurant, so date nights are few and far between for us. But we make up in other ways by leaving a few hours at the end of the day when our kids go to bed to spend time with one another.

A healthy marriage is at the root of a healthy family. Keep it sacred.

Step 5 – Stay physically healthy

I know this may seem nonessential, but believe me, it’s important. Clean up your home from chemicals in products and things like laundry detergent. More studies are coming out about the harmful effects of most household items we use, especially on our hormones. If you have a teen going through puberty and their hormones are being messed with, it will affect your everyday life. Even for you as an adult, unbalanced hormones can cause a lot of damage to your mood.

Being conscious of how much processed foods and sugars your kids get will dramatically determine their behavior.

My life changed when I went mostly Keto, especially getting enough animal fats. I make my own sourdough bread. We raise our own chickens. I know, you’re thinking, “trad wife.” But really, I’ve gone back to the basics and experienced its healing benefits. Being outside more, cooking clean, and making our environment free of chemicals have made a HUGE difference. I could never go back.

Step 6 – Consider your child’s needs

I’ve written many articles on this topic, so I’ll link a few, but this is possibly the most crucial step in parenting success. Determining whether your kid’s bad behavior is caused by your dysfunctional parenting can be quite eye-opening. I have to continually self-reflect on this.

Sometimes, it’s as simple listening before correcting or giving them my undivided attention. An evening sitting with my son before bed and hearing his thoughts on life does the trick. Sometimes, it’s asking my boys how I can pray for them.

Figure out your child’s love language and pour into that. Do they need more snuggles? More verbal encouragement? More time spent together?

Here are some more articles on this topic.

Mentally Healthy Kids Have Parents Who Do These Things

5 Questions to Ask Your Child Daily to Help Support Them Emotionally and Mentally

Step 7 – Connection before correction

If I’m contantly nagging my children throughout the day, correcting their bad behavior, whilst not connecting with them as humans, I’m missing the mark. Be grateful and show your appreciation for their help around the house. You set the tone. If you yell at them from acrossed the room in a harsh tone to do their chores, do you think they will repond well? If you aren’t patient with them, do you think they will be patient with you? If you’re disrespeful in your tone, do you think they will respond with respect?

Communicate when you’re having a rough day, and always, ALWAYS repent for your shortcomings.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t like how I said that, can I try again?”

Kids are so forgiving, thankfully. But we have to be willing to admit to them that we aren’t perfect. In doing this, you’re relaying to them that it’s also okay for them to not be perfect.

Model the behavior you wish to see in your kids.

Are you too strict as a parent? Here’s how healthy discipline can set your kids up for success

There’s so much more to write here, but you can find more details on this topic in the e-book I wrote here. Thanks for reading and I hope this blessed you. Parenting isn’t easy. We’re all disfunctional in our own way. But when we stop self-reflecting on our actions and example, that’s when things can spiral out of control.

The post Eradicate Disfunctional Parenting in 7 Easy Steps appeared first on Word From The Bird.

Many moms are angry right now.

We’re angry about the state of the world. That the food we buy at the grocery store is unaffordable and slowly killing us instead of nurturing our bodies. We’re angry by all these mystery illnesses that keep us buying the next best supplement or doing the next big detox that we saw on TikTok the other day.

We’re angry that we can’t send our children to school without wondering what lies they will be indoctrinated with today. We’re angry that we don’t have a minute to spare in the day for ourselves because we have unwillingly become a part of a rat race system that makes us stressed, tired, disinterested, and impatient with our children.

We’re angry that our children aren’t in tune with nature and have lost their imaginations from staring mindlessly at screens for hours on end. We’re angry that our husbands are more interested in the contents of their phones than the hearts of their families.

We’re angry that the people around us seem to have dug a nice big hole in the sand for their heads and have decided to drink the cool aid that’s seeping in from the bottom. We’re angry that we can no longer trust our country’s leaders and possibly never should have. We’re angry that we’re discontented with what we have — always feel this need for more, better, and bigger things where the grass is greener.

We’re angry that our hearts have gotten all blocked up with fear of the unknown world our children will grow up in. We’re angry that the life we imagined we would have couldn’t be farther from our own reality. We’re angry that we don’t own 10 acres with livestock and chickens because we’re not sure if we can afford to feed our children much longer. We’re angry that we can’t openly discuss our values or morals without being called old-school or worse.

We’re angry that we can’t seem to stop scrolling through the garbage our social media feeds us because if we do, we might miss out. We’re angry that we are not the women we want to be but feel helpless as to how to turn things around.

Why the world is the way it is.

The truth is, most of us, dads as well, are pretty angry right now, and rightfully so. And as anger is an understandable reaction to the clown world we’re living in, it’s not where God wants us to stay. Our souls, spirits, minds, and bodies were created for love, kindness, connection, community, peace, joy, and hope.

Sometimes, we get glimpses of how it’s supposed to be, and it gives us a little more hope and strength to get through the week. Then, we find new ways to cope to get through a little bit more. Eventually, those coping mechanisms stop working, and we’re left thirsting for more. We try the next big anti-inflammation trend, like ice plunging, red light therapy, deep breathing, fad diets, etc., but then most of us realize that while it may be helping, it’s not penetrating the thing that is the most inflamed and sickly — our hearts.

The second half of Deuteronomy 28 describes what happens to a disobedient nation. If you live in the Western world, you’ll see many parallels, including inflammation, fevers, mold, cursed soil, cursed flocks, pestilence, confusion, frustration, incurable disease, husband against wife, father against son, mother against daughter, trafficking, hunger, thirst, and the list goes on. If you have time, read it and allow the hairs on the back of your neck to stand on end and perhaps awaken your mind as to why our world may be in the state it’s in.

We have forsaken God in our modern society, even if we ourselves have not forsaken Him. But unfortunately, we live in this world. Fortunately, we can do something about it.

Although we may not be able to buy farmland or stop our leaders from destroying our country, we can take a deep breath and recognize that we have our own little world to run, our own little hearts to nurture, and our own lives to live because God still cares about us and will never leave us or forsake us.

As children of God, we have a superpower we can tap into, so to speak, and it has nothing to do with changing our diets or raising our own food. By all means, if you can, start your own off-grid homestead and homeschool your kids. That’s what we’re doing. But there is something that has to be done on a heart level if you’re going to get through this.

Surrender the control of your circumstances and take control of your thoughts.

There is a real good vs. evil battle going on for the hearts and souls of mankind, and it’s time we stop believing lies and start believing truth. In Christ, we are promised freedom, joy, peace, hope, and love. In Him, we have everything we need; we need only recognize the Holy Spirit inside us so we can stand against the powers that be and finally experience the joy that is promised to us. Don’t allow the enemy to steal your joy. I know this is easier said than done, but at the end of the day, it’s always our choice. Surrender control to a loving God and start pointing the finger at the real enemy. It’s not your kids, it’s not your spouse, it’s not your friends or family members, it’s not God. It’s the prince of the power of the air. Satan. The Devil. Whatever you want to call him, he hates God, and he hates God’s people. Don’t allow your heart to grow cold. Guard it. Teach your children to do the same.

Replace the bad with the good. Be in the Word and in prayer DAILY.

There’s nothing better for your mind and mood than memorizing the Word of God and praying continually.

“do not be anxious about anything, ^sbut in everything by prayer and supplication ^twith thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And ^uthe peace of God, ^vwhich surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phillipians 4:6-7

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thes. 5 16-18

Visualize Daily

One of the best things you can do for your mind body and mood is visualizing. I begin this practice the minute I wake up. Here’s how.

1. Recognize the lie you’re believing and call it for what it is. “I’m believing I’m not enough, and I have to be perfect. That’s a lie.”
2. Speak out who you are in Christ — “I am a child of God, loved and cherished and chosen.”
3. “I CHOOSE to believe God’s truth about myself and others.” State that truth or quote a verse that combats the lie you’re believing. Ex. “For there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” to combat the lie that God is punishing you in some way.
4. Distract yourself with deep breathing, counting backward, going on a walk, etc.
5. Spend at least 15 min visualizing yourself and speaking out loud about a past beautiful memory, a vacation spot you loved, or a brand new place you’d like to go. It can be anything. Hiking, canoeing, staying at a resort…Be detailed and descriptive. Include words on how you feel and what you look like, what it smells like. “I am healthy, joyful, and content. I smell the ocean and the salty air.” You can even include Jesus. Speaking, walking, boating with Him. One of my favorite visualizations is having a sailing day with Jesus. Just me and Him and the ocean.
6. Thank God for the good things in your life.

This is a modified version of something I learned from the program Limbic System Rewire, all about rewiring your brain. It’s incredibly helpful in kicking your body out of flight or fight mode, which usually ails people with anxiety, chronic illness and pain, depression, food sensitivities, etc. The trick is to flood your body with happy hormones and start rewiring negative thinking. There’s a ton of science behind this strategy, and it originated in scripture and it’s how God is able to have fellowship with us.

“⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. ⁵ Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; ⁶ do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. ⁹ What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:4-9

When we are walking in the flesh and believing lies, we close the door for God to speak to us and bless us with His peace and joy. When we are operating in the Spirit and believing truth, we can experience God’s love and wisdom. Negative thinking shapes how we view God, and we begin to paint Him in a false light.

Throwing Off the Stones of Bitterness

Bitterness and unforgiveness will make your heart feel like it’s made of stone. The Bible references the heart in Scripture almost 1000 times. Guard your heart. Seek a pure heart. Don’t let bitterness into your heart. So on and so forth. We see this hardening of heart clearly portrayed the many times the Israelites went through trials. Learn from them, and don’t allow your circumstances or grudges against others to harden your heart toward God.

Protect it and keep it with all you have. Do daily check-ins on your heart and ask yourself if what you believe is going to create a clean heart or a bitter one.

How to apply it in this broken world.

Back to being angry about our circumstances and the world at hand. The truth is, there’s not much we can do about the direction our world is going in. Obviously, you can vote (but who knows if that will really do anything), and you can make efforts to stand up for the truth and call out what is evil. You can take your children out of an indoctrinating environment and homeschool. You can start growing your own food and raising your own animals for meat. You can unplug yourself from society the best you can in order to protect what’s yours. You can do all of those things. But if you allow your heart to be torn apart and grow bitter and weary by not filtering it all through the lens of “But God is still in control.” You will find yourself worse off than ever.

As we prepare physically and mentally for what’s to come, our spiritual life should take first priority if we are to live the life that God intended for us. He never said it would be easy; in fact, He said we would face trial and tribulation in this life. “But take heart, for I have overcome the world.”

Hold fast to the hope we have in Christ. When you operate in this way, your anger becomes righteous (be angry at the sin, not the sinner), your heart is protected, your mind is clear, your fellowship is connected, your family is peaceful, and your life is full, despite the fire burning all around you.

I’m not speaking from an “I have this all together” perspective. I have to DAILY practice these truths or I get sidelined pretty quickly. But this is truly the only hope we have to actually experience the peace and joy that God desires for us.

Most of what Paul writes in the New Testament was when he was being persecuted and imprisoned. He truly understood what it meant to consider the trials he faced all joy because he knew how to abide in Christ and walk in the Spirit. We don’t have to be imprisoned by our circumstances. We don’t have to live a miserable life, even when things aren’t going so well. As I write this, I remind myself because this is and has been a struggle for me the past few years.

But I’m so grateful that I woke up and stopped trying to be comfortable at all costs. Instead, I realized that comfort would only distract me from doing the internal heart work that deepens my relationship with God.

If you’re going through a trial, it just might be a way that God is trying to reach you and remind you that without Him, there is no hope.

The post How to Rewire Angry Mom Brain appeared first on Word From The Bird.

So where can you go from here?

Well, I’m here to tell you. First, take a deep breath and know that you’re not alone. You’re not a failure. Parenting is HARD. And just when you thought you had things under control, a new challenge takes the place of the one you had just overcome.

Next, remind yourself that LIFE is sometimes hard, and that’s okay. Sometimes, when I remind myself that “this too shall pass, and this is not forever,” I can see things more clearly. Accepting that life isn’t always easy is a great way to change your thinking about your home.

I think we humans tend to forget that. So take another deep breath and remember. You don’t have to be perfect, your kids and husband don’t need to be perfect, and there is hope.

A lot of people are struggling right now. Almost every friend I have is going through some kind of crisis in parenting, marriage, health, etc. Sometimes, I ask myself, “What’s going on? Is there something in the air? Why is everyone in such a bad place?”

But then, I have to remind myself. God is still in control, and He is still good. Even though it feels like evil prevails, it’s not something God isn’t aware of. And THAT brings me peace.

Here are a few things you can do to put things into perspective again and make your home a safe haven rather than a hellhole.

7 Steps to Get Your Parenting Life in Check

Focus on YOUR world

The world is a mess right now. I often have to remind myself that I have no control over what’s happening in the world. I feel overwhelmed and helpless if I read the news or scroll through social media.

Knowing there’s not much I can do about the state of our world, watching these things unfold isn’t something I should fill my head with. That doesn’t mean I stick my head in the sand and pretend everything is okay. It means I try to filter what’s going on through a “God’s got this” perspective and let go of the rest. I ensure I’m caught up with things I need to know and then move on. My husband, who can better handle the weight of the world’s news, fills me in, and I’m good. Sometimes, that means I have to unplug for a little while and not look at my phone.

Children are very aware when you’re not mentally present and will act accordingly to get your attention, most often negatively.

I remind myself of the world I want to create for my children and focus on that. I cannot do much about the world at large, but I can do a lot to guide and nurture my kids with the time I have with them.

Be PRESENT

Kids don’t need you to be perfect, but they do need you to be present. One of the biggest issues in parenting today is kids feeling neglected because their parents constantly check their phones or put their kids on screens. I’m not saying there is never a time and place for screens, but just be cognisant of how often and for how long.

Try this screen detox and see if your child’s behavior adjusts and your home feels more peaceful. A word of warning, if your kids are used to lots of screen time, it may take a few days for you all to adjust. Give it time!

Do What Fills YOU Up

As someone who has gotten burned out from trying to run a perfect household and be everything for everybody, I can say firsthand that if you don’t make time for yourself, doing things that fill you up, you can’t be the parent or spouse your family needs. For me, this was a simple adjustment that took a bit of time to figure out.

Instead of doing it all myself, I had to ask for help—from my husband and from my kids. Give your kids responsibilities and chores. Get a babysitter or ask a loved one to watch your kids so you can date your spouse. Have your spouse do bedtime. Share household duties.

Express to them your need to do things for yourself. Sometimes, it’s as simple as communicating your needs to those around you. As someone who likes things done perfectly, I had to humble myself and let go of whether or not things got done right or immediately.

I also had to make time for God. Spending time in prayer and in the Word is essential as you desire to walk in the Spirit. I do frequent walks/runs in nature and just talk to God. He is the only one who understands my every need, and I can’t properly fulfill the needs of those around me if I don’t let God fill me with His truth and strength.

I also started listening to the Abide app whenever I could. You can’t function properly if your nervous system isn’t in tune, resulting from being overrun and overwhelmed. You should bombard the lies being thrown at you that you’re not enough and everything is falling apart with truth from God’s Word.

You could journal or talk to someone regularly who can remind you of the truth.

Your spiritual and emotional health are important and shouldn’t be the last priority.

Spend at least 20 min with each child doing something THEY love

In the chaos of it all, we sometimes feel as though an accomplished day is getting done all the things we intended to get done around the house or at work. But don’t forget that one of the best ways to help your child listen and obey is to listen to them and spend intentional time with them.

When they feel loved and important, not like your last priority, they will be more pleasant to be around. Even if it’s just 20 min, have your child pick something that they love and do it with them without distraction.

Follow us on Instagram!

Start the day off RIGHT

You’ve all slept bad, someone is sick, the house is a mess, the dog pooped on the floor again…

There are a million reasons why days can start off on the wrong foot, but that doesn’t mean you have to let it ruin your day.

When mornings are made more intentional, the rest of the day will likely follow suit. For us, that means eating breakfast TOGETHER, turning on some peaceful/joyful music, playing a game together, or reading a devotional as a family.

Making the start of the day something your kids look forward to can set a great tone for the rest of the day.

Keep Boundaries Sacred

Here is a post all about setting boundaries. This aspect is important for keeping a peaceful home. It builds trust, teaches your child self-control, and keeps your household from spinning out of control.

Invite laughter and fun in

Life can get mundane. Whether you homeschool or have your kids in school, it will catch up with you if you don’t make time for fun together.

I had a wake-up call when I realized my kids laughed the most while watching something funny. That shouldn’t be the case. I want to create moments for my kids to laugh and smile all throughout the day with me. That meant I needed to stop making everything so mundane and simply invite laughter in again.

Children have this incredible ability to be happy without much effort. As adults, we lose that childlike play and get grumpy about life’s stresses. If we only focus on the things that need to be done, we will lose sight of what our kids really need—laughter with us.

You can do this by joking around with your kids, playing games together, watching a funny movie, and planning fun events as a family. Simply invite laughter and fun into your household. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. One of our fondest memories is when we had Nerf dart wards together—something simple that your kids will remember forever.

The post 7 Steps to Get Your Parenting Life in Check appeared first on Word From The Bird.

So, how can this concept be applied to parenting when triggering your child’s anger?

When raising kids who make better choices and not explode in anger whenever they don’t get what they want, we must first recognize that they are human, just like us. Sometimes, we easily forget that our kids are imperfect and should never be expected to be perfect. Such expectations in parenting can lead to raising these little humans into anxious people pleasers, unable to healthily process their anger and work through it in a godly way.

Guiding your child through their anger is an incredible opportunity to teach them self-control regarding their impulses. But where does our responsibility lie in the matter?

The Bible is pretty clear about our responsibility to not provoke our kids to anger. Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

The goal regarding our children’s anger is for them to be able to process their anger and know what to do with it. To do that, we must ensure we set them up for success, and that takes reflection on our part.

Setting your child up for success can be applied throughout anything in parenting. Take lying, for example. When you know your child hasn’t yet brushed their teeth, but you ask them if they have, this can set them up for lying to you. Instead, you can simply ask them to brush their teeth. This sets them up for success and eliminates their temptation to lie. If afterward they still choose to lie, then you can address the lying.

The same goes for anger. Be conscious of your words, timing, and tone when communicating with your child. This can be an incredible tool for eliminating or heavily decreasing your child’s anger outbursts.

Know your child’s love language.

To know how NOT to trigger our kids, first, we need to KNOW our kids. Not just know that they don’t like peas, but really KNOW them. How do they feel most loved? What makes them smile? If our children don’t feel valuable to us, this sets the stage for all kinds of issues. So before you address the symptoms of their anger and how you might be triggering them, ask yourself if you know your child’s love language and if you’re filling their little love tanks daily.

I know that if I am present with my kids and nurture their little hearts, they are more likely to respond with kindness and respect.

Now that we have laid the foundation to set our children up for success let’s unravel some practical ways we can avoid triggering our child to anger.

5 Ways We Trigger Our Child’s Anger Without Knowing

1. Inconsistent Boundaries – let your yes be yes and no be no.

When we set a rule or a boundary and only sometimes follow through on holding it, we set the stage for a confused little child who doesn’t know if their parent is trustworthy.

I am definitely guilty of this sometimes. I will allow my current state of mind, or perhaps a matter of convenience, to dictate certain boundaries.

Inconsistent boundaries upset children because it sets them up to fail.

As we can’t be perfect in this, just know that when you do this in parenting, it frustrates your children and makes your word less valuable.

To avoid this, simply be careful when setting boundaries and hold to them as best as possible. And when you do change things up, make sure you point out to your children why you’re allowing something you usually don’t so you don’t leave them confused and set up for anger.

Follow us on Instagram!

2. A Harsh Tone

I know it’s not always easy to be patient with your kids. But parents indeed set the tone for a peaceful home. When I’m having a rough day, my kids usually have a rough day.

Some days, we’re all off. That’s okay. We call it out for what it is and do our best.

But know that an aggressive tone will likely affect your child’s behavior and trigger their anger.

Oftentimes, our children are triggered not by what we say but by how we say it. As parents, we must be conscious of our tone and how it affects our kids.

3. Asking them questions when they just need direction

Sometimes, we ask questions where commands are really needed.

“Can you go take out the trash?” Leaves room for your child to talk back. But if you give a kind command, it lessens the chance for your child to respond with disrespect.

“Please take the trash out.”

4. Choosing sides during sibling disagreements

Sibling rivalry is one of the most challenging aspects of parenting. There is no better way to help your kids build resentment toward one another than to favor a side when resolving their differences.

Your role as a parent is to guide them through their disagreement, allow each to express their side of the story, and have them own their own part.

It’s likely true that each party has a part to play in every disagreement in every kind of relationship. Whether you’re 99% of the problem or 1%, you still have something to own. Be your children’s coach in areas of contention, not a referee to their problems.

5. Ignoring their heart and hyper-focusing on their behavior

Behind every misbehavior is often a need. When we focus only on our child’s behavior and correcting the symptoms, we will miss their heart.

Do they feel disconnected from you? Are they tired? Did something happen at school that is bothering them?

Understanding our children’s hearts should be first on our list of ways to not trigger their anger. Does that mean we need to be perfect parents? NO. It simply means that we must be approachable and inquisitive, always discerning their behavior and ensuring there isn’t an underlying issue.

It’s exhausting to meet our kids’ needs 100% of the time. We will not be perfect, and that’s okay.

These are simple reminders of WHY your children might be more provoked to anger and how you can help set them up for success!

The post 5 Ways We Trigger Our Child’s Anger Without Knowing appeared first on Word From The Bird.

I’ve caught myself a few times making a teasing remark about my child in front of friends, only to look over and see an embarrassed look on my son’s face. These moments I’ve had to check myself and apologize to my kids when I tease them in front of others. Even though my heart was in the right place, and I said it because I find their quirks endearing or funny, I have to remember my child may not see it that way.

Our family has a sarcastic sense of humor, and I continually have to be cognizant of my child’s perspective, even if it’s within our family.

For example, my son is at an age where his voice is changing and cracking all day. I find it adorable and have laughed a few times it happened at the funniest times. At first, I didn’t realize what I was doing, but my son voiced to me that it embarrassed him. I apologized and had to stop immediately.

Our kids sometimes do the cutest and funniest things, and it’s often hard not to laugh in these situations. But it affects them more than I realize, and again, I just have to be mindful.

Here are some things that kids should NEVER be teased about, no matter how funny we think the situation is.

Be mindful of how you praise your children in front of others

We also must be mindful about how we praise our children in front of others. Saying things in front of our children to others, like, “So and so got straight A’s this year,” might lead your child to think that you are only impressed by their accomplishments, not who they are as a person. As it is not a bad thing to praise your child on their accomplishments, doing it to others in front of our kids is a different story.

Allow your child to express their own accomplishments if they want to share. But speaking for our children and bragging about them to others is something to be cautious of.

7 Things Parents Should Never Tease Their Child About

As with the little quirks we find funny that we may tease our kids about, here are a few big no-nos when it comes to teasing them. Some are rather obvious, but not to some. Parents always have to check themselves and remember that children are sometimes sensitive, and that’s not bad. Parents should be the safe space where children can express themselves. When we resort to teasing, this could affect that relationship aspect.

1. Physical Appearance

Teasing (or even making a remark) a child about their physical appearance, whether it’s their height, weight, or any physical features, can significantly impact their self-esteem. Children are still developing a sense of self, and negative comments about their appearance can contribute to body image issues later in life.

Comments like, “You are such a skinny mini!” or “Look at that big belly!” can be seemingly harmless, but not to our children. Our children often view themselves through our eyes.

2. Academic Performance

Every child has unique strengths and weaknesses, and teasing about academic performance can create unnecessary stress. Instead of focusing on grades, it’s essential to encourage a love of learning and provide support where needed.

“What!? our smarty pants got a B?!”

3. Hobbies and Interests

Children often explore various hobbies and interests to discover their passions. Teasing them about these choices can discourage their creativity and self-expression. Encouraging exploration and celebrating their interests helps build confidence and resilience.

4. Friendships and Social Skills

Social dynamics can be challenging for children, and teasing about friendships or social skills can exacerbate their insecurities. Instead of teasing, parents should offer guidance and support, helping children navigate social situations and build healthy relationships.

“I saw you playing with Ella. Is she your girlfriend?!” It’s important not to comment about a child playing with the opposite gender. We need to encourage opposite-gender relationships for our kids so they don’t think that just because a friend is a different gender automatically makes them a “girlfriend” or “boyfriend.”

5. Personal Habits or Quirks

Children may have personal habits or quirks that make them unique. Teasing about these idiosyncrasies can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Encouraging individuality and respecting personal boundaries helps children develop a positive sense of self.

“Is that REALLY your laugh?!” Even if your child is being goofy, be careful not to tease them at that moment.

6. Personal Challenges or Struggles

Everyone faces challenges, and children are no exception. Teasing them about personal struggles, whether it’s being shy or a particular difficulty, can erode their confidence. Instead, offer support and encouragement to help them overcome obstacles.

“Don’t be so shy! Go say hello!” You can avoid pointing out their possible struggle with socializing while still encouraging them to say hello.

“Do you want to go say hello? I’m sure they would like to play just like you.”

7. Future Aspirations

Teasing a child about their future aspirations can stifle their dreams and ambitions. Instead of discouraging them, parents should foster an environment where children feel free to explore their passions and set their own goals.

Conclusion:

Teasing, when done thoughtlessly, can leave lasting emotional scars on a child. It’s crucial for parents to be mindful of the impact their words can have and to create an environment that promotes emotional well-being. By avoiding certain topics and embracing open communication, parents can build a foundation of trust, respect, and support, ensuring their children grow into confident and resilient individuals. Remember, the words we choose today shape the adults our children become tomorrow.

The post 7 Things to Never Tease Your Child About appeared first on Word From The Bird.

But what most parents don’t realize is that our little ones sometimes have a hard time putting into words things like, “I don’t know how to fall asleep without you,” or “Feeling close to you is when I feel most safe.” or “I feel nervous about falling asleep.”

We have to consider that we, or their caretakers, are with our children all day. Bedtime is the one instance throughout their day when they have to be alone, and for most kids, this feels unknown and scary, especially when they’re young.

So before you conclude that your child is disobedient, consider their heart, not their behavior. Parenting often requires us to do a little digging and put ourselves in their shoes before we can help them.

At the same time, the sooner your child can learn to be okay going to sleep on their own, the better. If you keep giving in to their bedtime demands when they’re young, it can be a huge struggle for parents later on.

So what do we do?

Consider these things before you put them to bed that could be contributing to their bedtime anxiety

• Are they being fed nutritional foods throughout the day?

It’s no surprise that food makes a significant impact on our child’s behavior and overall well-being. If they are being fed processed or high-sugar foods, especially before bed, this could contribute to their inability to calm down and feel tired. For susceptible children highly impacted by food, playing around with their diet to see if something is triggering them might prove beneficial. I know for my son, dairy, and gluten really affect him negatively. I try to keep him on a mostly keto/canivore-style diet with whole foods and it helps immensely.

• Are they getting adequate amounts of exercise and sun throughout the day?

Sunshine and playtime. I can’t say enough about the benefits of getting your kids outside during the day, even in the midst of winter. Let them walk in the grass and dirt and stay grounded. As a culture, we’ve sadly resorted to putting a screen in front of our child’s face when they seem bored.

Even though there is a time and a place to give them screens, it’s important to consider how it will impact them, especially with self-regulation. If we don’t allow them to learn how to entertain themselves and figure out creative ways to be entertained, then we will be doing them a disservice, not only in their childhood for their lives to come.

Getting enough vitamin D through the sun will have incredible effects on their nighttime schedule and getting them to sleep soundly.

• Are they sleeping soundly?

Many children are facing a very real struggle with sleep disorders and issues getting a restful night’s sleep. This can make them feel anxious about going to bed. Suppose you notice they are teeth grinding or restless during their sleep.

In that case, you may want to bring them in for evaluation by a functional doctor who will look at their overall health and ensure they don’t have parasites or are depleted of vital minerals and nutrients. Also consider your environment.

Are you living in a moldy home? Could you benefit from an air filter near the bed? Having been through all of these things, I know how much it helps to consider all aspects of their diet and environment and make sure they are getting adequate amounts of outside playtime. It’s not normal for kids to not be sleeping soundly. Do some research and see if there is something you can change to help them sleep restfully.

• Are you spending adequate amounts of time with them throughout the day?

I know my kids struggle with letting me go at bedtime when they feel like I don’t have enough quality time with them throughout the day. This can be as simple as doing something intentional that they want to do in 15-minute increments throughout the day. Make sure you are focused and acknowledge their presence. Even when you aren’t directly playing with them, you can do little things to make them feel seen and heard.

Here are a few ways to help your kids feel close at bedtime

After considering all of the factors that could be dismantling your best efforts in getting them to bed, you might find that your child’s inability to go to bed on their own is simply because they just want more of YOU. This can be solved by these few tips.

Try saying these things:

“I will come check on you in a few minutes. Snuggle with your stuffy until I get back!”

“Can you watch over my sweater until I come back to check on you? It smells like me and it will be like I’m right here!”

“Here’s a picture of all of us. Keep it with you and it’s like I’m right here.”

Try doing these things:

• Read a bedtime story or bible story with them before bed
• Allow them some awake alone time in their rooms either reading or playing
• Dim the lights and get their brains ready for sleep mode
• Don’t allow screens right before bed
• Hold them or rub their back while they are falling asleep
• Ask them how their day was and process the good things that happened
• Let them list off 3 things they are grateful for
• Pray with them and ask them how you can pray for them
• Sing songs with them
• Change up the bedtime routine
• Check on your child after you tuck them in so they know you aren’t gone for good
• Be more aware of their sensory needs before bed
• Be gentle and affirming that you are always there
• Reassure them that just because you are in the other room doesn’t mean you’ve left them alone

Remember that your children simply want to feel close to you at all times, and a lot of bedtime anxiety is caused by separation. This doesn’t mean you need to lay with them for two hours until they fall asleep, but rather, remind them and assure them that you are still close.

What are some things you do at bedtime to help your children fall asleep?

Also, check out 15 Phrases to Say to Your Kids at Bedtime

The post One Thing I Did to Help my Child with Bedtime Stalling appeared first on Word From The Bird.

Take that as you may, I find that we often, as a culture, hyper-focus on matters that are seemingly insignificant. Yet here I am weighing in on the matter. Since I’m living in this culture and have a voice in the Christian parenting world, I thought some of you might consider my perspective. So here I am, writing an entire article about whether or not Santa should be canceled. Funny enough, I do believe there is an answer, and I do believe that it matters in the grand scheme of parenting. Do I believe he should be canceled? No. I believe in the freedom to do whatever you want within your family while still remaining obedient to God’s Word. So the question remains (for believers), is including Santa wrong?

To celebrate or not to celebrate Santa

Many of you eagerly prepare for the Christmas season with glee and delight, while others are avoiding it like the plague. The truth is that we all have our opinions, past experiences, convictions, and directives that all play a part as we celebrate or not celebrate Christmas. Today, I want to discuss for a second the ongoing discussion about Santa Claus and whether or not he should be canceled, included, or put in a different category altogether.

I’d love for you to please read this article with the understanding that this is solely my opinion based on my faith in Jesus and the Word of God. I do not judge either way, as I believe God is the final judge of all things; if you seek His guidance, He will convict you on the matter of how you should or should not include Santa at Christmas.

Should our upbringing determine whether or not we include Santa in Christmas?

Let’s start with the acknowledgment of our upbringing. If your parents included Santa Claus in your childhood, it’s likely you do the same or go the opposite direction. This is true of many things in parenting. We either consciously or subconsciously consider our feelings and experiences of our childhood and follow suit or go the opposite direction based on whether we deem it was a successful and cherished upbringing or a complete disaster. Hence, the parenting pendulum swing that sometimes happens every generation — we take what our parents did wrong and make adjustments, sometimes drastic.

Last generation’s Santa Claus, who brought us gifts we wanted and ate our delicious milk and cookies, is this generation’s creepy old man who breaks into our homes and wants our children to sit on his lap and be used as a tool for parents to manipulate their kids into good behavior.

So what should we be telling our children? The truth? The half-truth? Or something else?

Before I get to what I believe is a good solution, I first want to point out a few things.

1. Santa Claus and the collective Hallmark Christmas have a history that I don’t care to unravel here, but I will say this. As a culture, we seem to naively take what is before us and run with it without looking into the actual history of why something is the way it is, what the spirit is behind it, and how it could possibly spiritually affect and put our families in spiritually compromising situations. There is a very real spirit of darkness that wants to distract us from celebrating the true life and meaning of “Christmas.” Now, I am aware that Jesus was not actually born on December 25th. To me, that is neither here nor there, as I celebrate Jesus’ birth and resurrection every day, but if I decide to focus on Jesus’ birth that time of year is between me and God. I have not been convicted otherwise and personally, I delight in making special memories with my children with gifts and traditions that include our Savior and the very real history of what He did for us. I am always asking God to show me what is true and will continue to listen to his voice as I walk this journey.
2. Whether or not you include Santa in your Christmas celebration will not make or break Christmas. Believe me. I was not raised to believe in Santa, and I have not included Him in our celebration of Christmas with my children and it has not made Christmas any less special. I’ll to the why later, but just know that if you decide that Santa is not for your family, it’s not going to ruin Christmas. It might just do the opposite.
3. If you are a believer, perhaps remain open to asking God what He would like you to decide. Who cares what my opinion is or what some lady you follow on Instagram? What does God have to say about it? Open your Bibles, research, and see what He is telling you. Be open to hearing from God on the matter.

My perspective and what I tell my kids

The problem with Santa

I personally don’t have an issue with “Santa Claus,” and I know he was a real historical person who did good things. I can see how his character makes the Christmas season something special, especially if you have some nostalgic feelings surrounding Santa. But what our culture has made him up to be is mythical and false in every way and the parental tendencies surrounding Santa have morphed into something unhealthy.

Should he be a part of Christmas? I don’t really place much weight into it other than recognizing he was another character of history that I can tell my kids about and move on, just as I would educate them about Pocahontas or Napoleon.

Who is Santa, Really?

“Saint Nicholas of Myra lived in the 4th century, born to Christian parents who left him an inheritance when they died, which he distributed to the poor. He became a priest at a young age and was well-known for his compassion and generosity. He had a reputation for giving gifts anonymously, and he would throw bags of money into people’s homes (and sometimes down their chimneys) under the cover of night to avoid being spotted.” From gotquestions.org.

He is NOT

• Eternal
• A receiver of our expensive gift lists
• Some magical dude who floats into houses through the fireplace
• Riding around on a sleigh pulled by reindeer

You get the picture.

The problem with telling your children that Santa is who he really is not

Simply put, it’s confusing. And once they find out he is not the mythical figure you’ve told them he is, they will be disappointed, their trust in you might be affected, and they will be confused about whether or not God is who you say He is. If you said that Santa was real, but he ended up not being real, who’s to say they won’t view your word about God as also deceiving?

These moments of trust are BIG in your child’s eyes. They need to know who they can depend on and trust. As parents, we have enough working against us in this culture to try and teach our children what is TRUE, this is perhaps another work of the enemy to discredit your loving direction and make you out to be untrustworthy.

What about imagination?

A child using their imagination is an important part of their development. Kids play and pretend. That’s a GOOD thing. Adults should do it more often as our brains cannot differentiate between whether something we are imagining is real or not and our bodies experience the benefits of thinking about positive things. We could visualize ourselves sitting on a beach in the sun while we are actually sitting inside in February, escaping the blizzard outside and our bodies will receive actual happy hormones. Imagination and pretending is good.

What I tell my kids

When my children were young, I would say that Santa Claus is an imaginary figure, aside from who Saint Nicholas actually was. If you want to pretend and use your imagination, then you can do that! But just know that it’s just pretend, like the tooth fairy or how you play with your toys. Both my children didn’t end up pretending in this way, but sometimes enjoy Christmas movies about Santa Claus and I’m okay with that.

I love that I get my kids gifts that they asked for, and they know it came from me. It’s an expression of love on my part, and they receive it. I don’t want an imaginary character taking credit for something I did for them. But again, that’s just me. I also love that our focus around Christmas is on what God did for us through Jesus. We share the Christmas story, celebrate the advent, and talk a lot about His blessings throughout the month. That’s the best gift we could ever receive so we focus on that.

If you decide to include Santa, try and avoid…

There are a few things to consider if you decide you want to bring up your kids believing in Santa which could potentially be harmful for your kids.

1. Avoid the naughty or nice comments – this can be how parents or grandparents manipulate their child to “behave” by making the gifts they receive conditional to their behavior. This is not good parenting, especially if you abide by the Christian faith. The best example is Jesus dying on the cross for our salvation and giving us the gift of eternal life, not by anything we did or didn’t do, but simply because He loves us. This should be reflected in our parenting, and the naughty or nice gift-giving is counterproductive to exemplifying God’s love for us.
2. If they ask you whether or not Santa is real, tell them the truth – If your child ever comes to you and asks you if Santa is real, then you should never lie to your children. Again, you can point them to using their imagination! Give them a good history lesson and let them use their imagination.
3. Make sure the notion of Santa doesn’t overpower the real meaning of “Christmas.” Again, I’m aware that Jesus wasn’t born on this exact date, but it’s the date we’ve collectively settled on to celebrate the birth of our Savior. The same should be said of gifts, parties, traditions, Christmas trees, etc. If anything becomes more important than remembering the birth of our Savior, then you could perhaps reprioritize things. I definitely am guilty of this and need to be intentional about making Christmas more Christ-focused.

I would love to hear your thoughts and perspective on the matter! Again, this is just my perspective and I don’t judge whether or not you include Santa in your Christmas.

¹

1. ︎

The post Should Santa Be Cancelled? appeared first on Word From The Bird.

From some of my favorite teachers, pastors, and their guests, here are a few topics worth listening to with encouragement to help you parent in today’s culture and turn your gaze towards Jesus as the only hope we have to parent with purpose and intentionality in this dark world. 

Parenting is a challenge, especially in 2023, but thanks to a God who gives us everything we need, we can gain wisdom and insight by simply asking Him and abiding in His Spirit as He guides us in discipling our children.

Family Discipleship – Ebook Now Available

Raising your kids to follow Jesus without feeling like you’re forcing them is challenging. This often leads us to send our kids to Sunday school or youth group, hoping this will be sufficient.

But we need to realize that God has given us a profound role that exceeds simply providing for our children and making sure they get a good education – to disciple them in a way that will lead to genuine Christ-followers, not Sunday Christian performers.

As people of the Christian faith, we are to be ambassadors of His message, not controllers or puppeteers of our children’s hearts. This can only be done when we, the parents, are modeling for our kids what it means to genuinely and wholeheartedly follow Christ.

My husband and I have learned a lot in our parenting journey. We continually discover what works and what doesn’t because of our upbringing and look to God’s Word to educate and the Holy Spirit to guide us.

As we continue our journey, we self-reflect daily, knowing we are just as in need of God’s grace as our children. With a posture of humility, we desire to model for them how to live in freedom because of the gospel.

And while we are far from perfect, we have SO enjoyed walking alongside our son through his spiritual journey. It’s our privilege.

That’s my desire for you as you read this book.

I pray that your heart will be in tune with the Holy Spirit as you disciple your kids and you find joy in the process. I pray that my words can be used in your life to point your family to Christ.

What better time to raise disciples than right now; to help your kids find joy in their faith and prepare them to reflect Christ in a dark world.

Most of the advice in this book is inspired by Jesus’ interactions with His disciples. We can learn SO much about parenting from the Bible.

I hope you’ll enjoy my take on it!

Now, onto the podcasts! I hope these episodes will be an inspiration to your parenting journey. Whether you have a toddler, teenager, or adult children, these episodes will be a guiding light in this uncertain world.

When we get off track in our parenting, we usually resort to unhealthy discipline ingited by tension and yelling, bribing and manipulation that causes division in the family, anxiety, depression. Don’t let these common parenting mistakes creep into the fabric of your family.

Top Christian Podcasts With Biblical Truths on Raising Confident Christian Kids

1. Mama Bear Apologetics – Questions to Ask Your Child’s School

Mama Bear Board member Teasi Cannon joins Amy to talk about questions parents should ask their kids’ school, particularly in private schools and homeschooling co-ops.

Main Points Covered:

Why parents should ask schools questions

• Question 1: Are teachers trained theologically?
• Question 2: Do they teach from a Christian worldview and teaching what a worldview is?
• Question 3: How does the administration handle secondary doctrines?
• Question 4: How does the school handle the age of the earth?
• Question 5: Has Christian history been whitewashed or are errors acknowledged?
• Question 6: What does the school do to keep the gospel from becoming white noise?

2. The Proverbs 31 Ministries – Feeling like a Failure as a Mom (For Christian Moms)

As moms, we bear a lot of weight.
There are so many different voices telling us what to do and how to parent, and it’s easy to get caught up in comparing ourselves to every other mom around us.
Our desire to get it right is a good thing. Bad moms don’t worry about whether or not they are bad moms. Good moms do that. But we don’t have to constantly beat ourselves up when we feel like we fall short. Our friend, author and Licensed Counselor Rachael Elmore joins us on this episode to remind us of what is true for us as moms: Even in our mistakes, God is in control.

3. Dad Tired – You Can’t Change Your Child’s Heart

Today, host Jerrad Lopes sits down with Paul David Tripp to talk about what it looks like to parent your child’s heart, not just their behavior.

4. Dad Tired – How Should You Pray With Your Kids? 

Join host Jerrad Lopes as he teaches how Jesus prayed and what it means for us as dads when trying to pray with our kids.

5. Focus on the Family Parenting Podcast -Serving Your Kids Like Jesus

In church, we tend to say, “serve your kids like Christ would.” But what exactly does that look like? Jim Daly chats with Courtney Ellis on how she’s learned to love her kids in a more God-honoring way, even when it’s difficult. John and Danny also address how you can let go of fears as a parent.

6. Focus on the Family Parenting Podcast -Internal Battles Moms and Dads Deal With

Parenting is a demanding job, and it’s easy to feel exhausted sometimes. Danny tells John about some of the emotions he struggled with as a father. You’ll also hear Jim Daly speak with Courtney Ellis about some of the things she wrestled with when her kids were little.

7. Flat Irons Community Church Podcast – Piece by Piece – The Pieces of Parenting

If all things belong to Jesus then so do our children.

8. Courageous Parenting – Don’t Apologize for Your Parenting Standards

This is a raw episode that will encourage you to protect and equip your family despite pushback! Parenting takes more intentionality than the previous few generations, especially with the seismic culture shifts increasingly against Christianity in the last few years. We have to get good at standing firm in a loving way even in Christian circles, this episode will help you do so. All show notes, scripture references, and resources mentioned are found at BeCourageousMinistry.org.

9. Flat Irons Community Church Podcast – PB&J – Fatherhood

A lot of us have different experiences with this thing called fatherhood. With fatherlessness being an epidemic in our culture the question becomes, does the quality of our relationship with our father have any lasting or significant impact on our lives?

10. Paul David Tripp – I Hate Parenting (Pt 1)

Today, Paul is going to address three common concerns that parents have with parenting sinful children in a fallen world.

If you’ve been enjoying The Paul Tripp Podcast, please leave us a review! Your review helps us reach more people with the gospel’s transforming power.

11. Paul David Tripp – I Hate Parenting (Pt 2)

On Monday, we released an episode featuring three segments from Paul’s series “I Hate Parenting” and today, we’ll hear the rest of them.

If you’ve been enjoying The Paul Tripp Podcast, please leave us a review! Your review helps us reach more people with the gospel’s transforming power.

12. Jack Hibbs Podcast – Joining the Fight

Pastor Jack sits down with author, podcaster, and speaker Heidi St. John to discuss how to fight for your children, their education, and your community. Find your courage and passion to go against the current culture and do the right thing by making an impact with your faith. You won’t want to miss this exciting and uplifting discussion by these two warriors in the faith.

Follow me on Instagram!

The post 12 Best Parenting Podcast Episodes for Struggling Parents appeared first on Word From The Bird.

Whether you’re a teacher needing this in the classroom or a parent who needs this at home, these calming corner ideas for kids will help you help the children in your life to learn calming strategies better. 

Don’t just send them to the calming corner when they are upset

Using the calming corner every day for a set amount of time is beneficial for your child not seeing this space as where they go when they’re “in trouble” so to speak. Let this space be a helpful resource in your parenting — a space for them to just be creative. A special learning environment where they can explore and feel at peace. 

Have a set time of day when they spend time in their calming corner so they know what to expect and when.

Make up another name for their calming corner.

Coming up with a unique name with your child for their calming corner is a great way to personalize it. Give them some ideas and let them choose.

Why Calming Corners Work

Calming corners work because children need a safe space to express their big feelings. Instead of sending them to time out, which usually fuels the fire, you can let them visit their calm-down space, giving them a sense of peace. Instead of using punishment to try and calm them down or teach them something, you’re using a positive solution that will encourage emotional regulation instead of angering them more. 

This safe place will give them a sense of relaxation. It’s hard to solve problems when emotions are running high. So before you, as the parent or teacher, can help your child solve a problem, it’s essential to wait a certain amount of time before they can successfully get to the heart of the matter. 

Why You Should Revisit the Heart of the Matter After Your Child Has Calmed Down

In all my parenting advice, I ensure parents understand the importance of getting to the heart of the matter. While these are practical coping strategies to help your child or student calm down after an upset, it’s equally vital to revisit what happened if it’s a matter of the heart. 

Sometimes, it becomes a habit to send your upset child to the calm-down corner. But make sure you are actively listening to your child’s heart. Ask yourself WHY they are upset and help them work through their anger. 

Did they get upset because they didn’t want to share? Help them work through that. Talk about the importance of being kind to your sibling and how God encourages us to consider others as more important than ourselves. 

Show them Bible verses about how kindness to others is what God desires from us. Give them guidance of what to do, but don’t force them to do it. Let them come to their own conclusions. 

Never force a child to obedience; it has to be their choice

When we look at Ephesians 6:1-2 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” It’s clear to see that it doesn’t say, “Parent, get your child to obey at whatever cost.” It is a call to children, not to parents. 

While we want our child to obey, it’s not something we can force. We can guide them on what’s right, but if we don’t want to raise ingenuine children, we need to be patient and let God go the distance with their hearts. 

Forcing a child to obey is unbiblical and not how God wants us to parent. We need to make sure their behavior is not a result of our faulty parenting. They will make mistakes, and that’s okay. Humility in parenting is important. While we desire our children to do what is right, we must ensure we are parenting with love and respect for our kids. 

Model the behavior you wish to see in your kids. This is the BEST way to help them in their life journey.

Check out more on how to help your strong-willed child.

Calming Corner Toolkit for Kids

How to make a calming corner for kids

In today’s fast-paced world, providing children with a dedicated space to unwind, relax, and manage their emotions is more important than ever. A calming corner is a designated area where children can retreat to when they need a moment to regroup and find peace. Whether at home or in a classroom setting, a well-designed calming corner can offer a safe haven for children to practice self-soothing techniques and manage stress.

Here are some creative ideas to consider when putting together a designated space and  calming corner for kids:

1. Soft Seating

Comfortable seating is the cornerstone of a calming corner. Plush cushions, pillows,  bean bag chairs, or soft rugs provide a cozy and inviting space for kids to sit or lie down. The tactile experience of soft materials can help children physically and mentally relax. Try some wool or natural blankets that feel soft on their skin. Yoga mats are also helpful, as well as weighted blankets.

2. Sensory Items

Incorporate sensory items that engage different senses. A jar filled with colorful, calming sensory bottles, stress balls, fidget toys, noise-canceling headphones, textured fabrics, or a small sand garden can offer tactile and visual stimulation, promoting relaxation and mindfulness.

3. Mood Lighting

Soft, adjustable lighting can significantly impact the atmosphere of a calming corner. Consider using string lights, floor lamps with warm bulbs, moon or planet lights, or even a lava lamp. Dimming the lights can help create a soothing ambiance conducive to relaxation.

4. Nature-Inspired Elements

Bringing nature indoors can have a calming effect on children. Decorate the corner with potted plants, nature-themed artwork, or a mini indoor waterfall. Natural elements can promote a sense of tranquility and connection to the outdoors.

5. Mindfulness Tools

Introduce mindfulness tools appropriate for children. Calming jars with glitter that settles as a child takes deep breaths, chimes, puzzles, markers, sand timers, kinetic sand, beads, etc.

6. Reading Nook

Books have the power to transport children to new worlds and encourage relaxation. Create a small bookshelf or basket with a selection of age-appropriate books that explore themes of emotions, relaxation, and gratitude. An age-appropriate Bible is an amazing way to help them learn about God.

You can also check out the printable journals I provide here on the blog. 

7. Breathing Exercises

Include visuals or guides for simple breathing exercises. Wall posters with calming illustrations or diagrams showing deep breathing techniques can assist children in managing stress and anxiety effectively.

8. Creative Outlets

Provide art supplies like coloring books, crayons, colored pencils, or clay. Engaging in creative activities can help children express their emotions and alleviate stress in a productive way.

Check out this Coloring Book Journal I designed on Amazon!

9. Personalization

Allow children to have a say in decorating their calming corner. They can choose colors, decorations, and items that resonate with them, fostering a sense of ownership and comfort in the space.

10. Positive Affirmations

Hang up positive affirmations or verses that encourage them in their life. Reading these affirmations can help children promote a positive and grateful mindset.

Have them create and color a poster that lists all the characteristics and talents that God has gifted them with. “I am peaceful, I am considerate, I am worthy of God’s love, I am accepted, I am good at coloring, etc…”

You can also help them work through what their love language is. Have them write down what makes them feel loved, whether from you or their friends or grandparents. 

“I feel loved when my mom…”

11. Calming Sounds

Introduce soothing sounds like gentle nature sounds, soft instrumental music, or white noise machines. These sounds can drown out external distractions and create a serene environment.

12. Set a Timer

Incorporating a fun oversized timer that makes a cool sound when they finish their cool-down time. 

13. Time-In Space

Emphasize that the calming corner is a “time-in” space, not a “time-out” punishment. Teach children that it’s a place to practice self-control, manage emotions, and regain their composure when feeling overwhelmed.

In conclusion, a well-designed calming corner can provide immense benefits for children’s emotional well-being. By combining comfort, sensory engagement, mindfulness tools, and personalization, you can create a space where kids can learn valuable self-regulation skills and develop a lifelong appreciation for self-care. Whether at home, in a classroom, or any other setting, a calming corner offers a dedicated oasis of calmness in a busy world.

Calming Corner Affordable Supply List – all on Amazon

Creating a well-equipped calm down corner for kids involves careful planning and consideration of various sensory and relaxation elements. Here’s a supply list to help you set up an effective and soothing space:

1. Soft cushions or bean bags
2. Soft rug or mat
3. Weighted blanket
4. ​Oversized Timer
5. My Life Printable Journal
6. My Life Coloring Journal
7. Verse memorization cards or prayer cards
8. Talking Points Cards
9. Sensory bottles
10. Stress balls
11. Fidget toys
12. Tactile fabrics
13. Breathing exercises guide (visual)
14. Positive affirmation cards
15. Calming posters or artwork
16. Relaxing music or nature sounds
17. White noise machine
18. Potted plants
19. Nature-inspired artwork
20. Jesus Storybook Bible
21. Coloring supplies (books, crayons, colored pencils)
22. Drawing materials (paper, markers, pencils)
23. Personal mementos
24. Cozy blanket or stuffed animals
25. Storage bins or baskets
26. Shelves or wall organizers
27. Printed mindfulness activities
28. Kids Carving Set
29. Kinetic Sand
30. Sensory Bin
31. Children’s books

The post Calming Corner Ideas For Kids and Supply List for School or Home appeared first on Word From The Bird.